So I guess I just want to get some thoughts on coping with negative feelings about my parents. I know people will have gone through a lot worse but I am really struggling to enjoy a relationship with my parents.
My parents are very unhappy together (my mum more so than my dad). My dad has no interest in doing anything, he has no friends or hobbies, won’t eat out, hates spending money etc etc. My mum has just become accustomed to this, although is massively resentful and miserable. They are late 60’s. My mum also has massive jealously issues in that she thought my dad looked at other women all the time and brought us up basically to believe all other women are a threat. If a semi naked woman came on the tv she would get upset, if he so much as looked at someone else they’d have an argument so me and both of my sisters have carried these insecurities with us in to later life, although with a supportive loving fiancé, I have managed to get over any hang ups I have and love my body and how I look. However, my mum will still make comments now and I have to tell her to stop and that it’s ok to appreciate how another woman looks etc.
She has never been forthcoming with making an effort to see me and my son to the point I got quite upset, as she lives very close and only works two days a week. I told her how I felt and she now will make an effort and see us but I’ve realised I wish I hadn’t said anything as seeing her is bringing me down. She doesn’t have a social life so doesn’t really have anything to say.. she’s just very down and negative and moans about my dad but won’t do anything about it. She says if she talks to him about it they argue. I’ve suggested she leaves but she said she then wouldn’t be able to retire?! It’s like she’s just stuck in this negative depressing life and as my dad is retiring soon, he will be home more for them to be even more miserable. She’s also started to tell me she is jealous of my MIL (who has her own massive issues), because she thinks we would rather see her than my mum. Well the truth is, we would because she isn’t negative and depressing and has interesting things to talk about. However, we see both parents just as much so I feel this is another burden she’s put on me!
I am just at the point I don’t want it in my life. I struggle as it is to keep my mood stable and just feel I shouldn’t have to be picking her up or hearing about her miserable life. I feel a lot of the way I am is due to my upbringing and I am so scared I will end up like her or my dad and am doing all I can not to be. I just don’t know how to deal with it and sometimes I just want to move away from them entirely and start again!
Sorry for the rant.. any insight would be helpful!