Help! PND/Anxiety

[Sunnyscot80]

Hi,

This is my first ever post. Im sorry if it's very long winded.
Over a year ago, I stopped breastfeeding my second child. I was age 40 at the time. After I stopped, I changed overnight. I went from functioning to what felt like a total breakdown..
The first thing I remember feeling is I had far too much adrenaline. I then had a panic attack which led to a night of no sleep then the worse ever anxiety and aggitation I could imagine.
I was experiencing derealization all the time, panic attacks. Insomnia. I couldnt leave my house. Or be left alone. Colours seemed to bright. Noises too loud.
Long story, but I was put on meds (setraline first, then mirtazapine, and escitalopram ) which made me a thousand times worse. I did 9 months on mirtazapine and it made me suicidal.

A year on and I function far more but I'm still anxious. I have a feeling of being detached /things not seeming real. some panic attacks (I can't face appointments like hairdresser etc) and nervous energy like I'm always stimulated (cut out all caffeine), I can't nap. I have days where I just sob and feel helpless and so guilty that I'm a burden to my family. Especially at beginning and end of my cycle.

But the thing that has remained throughout is waking at about 3.30/4am every morning with what feels like huge adrenaline rushes. They start in my sleep. It's like electricity waves going through my body and leaves me with the most frightening fear / dread feeling. These rushes seem to get worse at different times of the month. Or if I do any kind of vigerous exercise🤔

I wonder if any of this could be perimenopause or if its all from anxiety.

Sorry again for the length of this post. I'd love to hear from anyone out there who's experienced something similar, especially with the adrenaline rush /panic feeling in the night /early morning...

I see a crisis team psychiatrist who isn't very helpful. He's asked me what drug i want to try next! There was some talk of venlafaxine as I don't get on with ssri's.

Feeling like theres no hope left. I jsuf want to be normal again. And to sleep peacefully.

You’re not alone. I’ve had the horrible adrenaline rushes at night too which led to horrific and long lasting insomnia.
Eventually, like you, I was put onto mirtazapine. I no longer get the adrenaline rushes/jerking awake/panicky feelings at night but it feels like I am worse/more anxious yet slow/sedated during the day.
I would love to get off the mirtazapine but I’m scared the insomnia will get worse again if I stop it - how did you get off it after taking it for 9 months? Or did you transition straight onto escitalopram?
I’m a similar age to you and I think there has to be a hormonal (perimenopause) element to all this.

Thank you for replying. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this too.

I have nights when I do manage to sleep a little longer, but even then as soon as I open my eyes I feel the wave of adrenaline or whatever it is coursing through me. And my heart races etc. It's a horrible start to the day.

Mirtazapine made me very unwell. I was taken off it by consultant psychiatrist over a space of 2 weeks(from 45mg) . It wasn't easy. And I had to take nytol to sleep or I'd basically get a couple of hours. I can sleep longer now but still the early wakening and the rushes. I wouldnt recommend withdrawing quickly like that.

I still got the adrenaline thing when I was on mirt. Even though it knocked me out, I'd wake up with the fear feeling.

I was med free for a couple of months when I tried escitalopram.. Lasted a week on that one! Ssri's are not for me x