I've never posted here before, hope this is appropriate...and sorry if it's long. But I feel like I'm breaking and I don't know what to do.
I'm a single mum with 50% custody of a 4yr and 9yr, and my 19yr old lives with me too. Ex cheated during 14yrs together, leaving me with a lot of debt. I have a mortgage and all other bills that I'm solely responsible for. I'm full time in a management role, living almost paycheck to paycheck (no savings) on £32k/Yr.
Mental health is bad generally (depressed whole life, on meds, on waiting list for treatment), but it has totally crashed. I'm off work as I can't cope. I don't want to go back - I'm crap at my job, can't concentrate, can't handle the level of responsibility. I don't think it's the job, I've felt like this in my last 3 posts over 4yrs. I just can't work at this level, but I have no choice because I need the money.
I also feel like I'm crap in every other area of my life. I'm hugely overweight, don't want to speak to or see people, I can't even wash most days. My house is disgusting, I'm tired all the time and I just don't want to do anything any more.
I feel like giving up, but I can't. I need to keep going for my kids. But I just don't know what to do. A cheaper house just doesn't exist where I live, and my house needs so much work I doubt I could sell it anyway. I need my income, but the pressure is killing me. I'm at the point where I want a physical illness or something so I have a "real" reason to make everything stop...and I know how stupid that sounds.
I don't know what I'm looking for in posting this...