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Court proceedings with abuser ex

3 replies

Kharmelionz · 08/02/2022 15:24

I'm feeling really lost today and silently crying at my desk and trying not to let anyone see me. It's all starting to get to me and don't know how to deal with it..
My ex has successfully managed to divert the courts attention from him being the abuser to us both being 50% responsible for domestic abuse. The whole narrative of mine and my daughters lives have been rewritten. I've been depicted as the woman scorned, as mentally unstable and as highly dangerous and abusive.. I sat next to my ex in court yesterday with a screen between us and heard him blubbering like an actress as his Barrister depicted what a wonderful and hardworking father he is.
I'm struggling because the Court and some of the judges we've been in front of have believed him.
My daughter and I fled under a section 47, we live in hiding from him. He's physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused me and our child, he is not out of control, he is very much in control.
Every other authority has seen him for what he is, except the Court.
I'm desperately trying to protect our daughter, he's had supervised contact for nearly 18 months and we're getting closer to a final hearing whilst we wait for the Section 7 to be complete. Cafcass have stated there is not a safe way to progress contact outside of the contact centre, however I'm scared even with a recommendation that remotely protects both of us the Court will award him unsupervised access and force me to do handovers with him.
I just want to give up. I can't take much more.
Seeing him act like the victim yesterday has really made me so angry. I was just better off staying with him. Nothing has changed.

OP posts:
2under2howscary · 08/02/2022 15:33

Is this the same judge as last time @Kharmelionz ? I can't offer much advice, only a hand hold. We're all here for you xx

Kharmelionz · 08/02/2022 15:41

We had another judge this time and they agreed I don't need the courts protection from him any longer and discharged the non molestation order.

OP posts:
ColdToTheBones · 08/02/2022 23:00

I am horrified to read this and am about to embark on exactly your same road OP. I am dreading it. Ex is so plausible and his job demands so much respect, he's charismatic when he wants to be and it tricks people into think he is THAT person.

I felt, like you, that I was better off staying with him so I could at least protect the children: if he gains the 50:50 he is after then they have no-one to protect them and it scares me so much.

I don't know your backstory but I can imagine it because I can see how it's panning out with me, too. I'm so sorry it sometimes feel justice is not done. But even if it's not, I still live in hope because my cousin went through hell with her ex and had to battle for months and years but eventually won. Please don't give up. For the sake of your DD. Although I can understand why you might feel like it.

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