Feel so low, just going through the motions...

[newnamenellie]

Hello,

Not sure if to post here or in menopause, but since this feeling has been building for a few years, I feel that it's more of a mental health issue which is being exacerbated by hormones (or lack of).

I'm 47 and have a lovely partner and two children who are both at secondary school now. My eldest is 16 and since she was born, I've put being a mum ahead of anything else. I have worked part time for the last 14 years in a job which I'm over qualified for, but ultimately allowed me to be around for my children as much as possible. Unfortunately, it has also meant that I am now no longer able to return to the career that I trained for prior to kids as my skills and knowledge are very out of date. To be honest, I don't think I would want to return to it anyway, but I'm feeling very mixed up about future work prospects and my abilities.
I'm at a stage where I could now work more hours and, ideally, find a new direction career-wise, but I feel so flat and lacking in confidence that I'm unable to see the wood for the trees when looking at what to do next. I cannot imagine myself doing anything other than the job I currently so, and yet I hate the idea of being stuck doing that for the next twenty years.
Every day feels the same pretty much. At the weekends, we don't do much anymore, whereas when the kids were younger we would make sure we had days out etc... Now it's just getting the chores done before Monday rolls around again.
I feel as though I have lost my identity along with my zest for life and I can't be bothered doing the things I would have done before (e.g. I used to love clothes shopping and fashion, but now I can't see the point in spending time and money on such things). I'm feeling more and more that there isn't much point to things and so, as I said in the title, I'm juts going through the motions each day, doing stuff that needs doing. I don't feel as though there's anything to look forward to particularly and I hate that feeling the most.
I think some of this stems from my children getting older and, although they're still at home (they're 16 and nearly 12), they no longer need me in the same way they used to and this makes me feel redundant and anxious about the future.
Obviously I don't want to feel like this but I don't know what to do to sort it out. I feel that If I could work on my confidence and self esteem (I have always lacked both, but never to this extent), then that would be a good starting point.
Thank you for reading this and I hope some of you will share any advice that you may have.

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I think the first thing you need to do is make a gp appointment and take it from there.

Yes you need to make some decisions about work etc but you need some help I think before you can do that.

Have you spoken to your husband about how you are feeling?

@JohannSebastianBach thank you so much for replying.

You're right, I should see my GP, and I think I've avoided doing that so far because I'm not keen on the idea of anti depressants. I suspect that hormones may be partly responsible and so should probably discuss HRT too.

My partner knows how I feel and tries to empathise, but ultimately struggles. He is quite a pragmatic, straightforward kind of a person so cannot understand how I feel sometimes.

There are other things but don't automatically dismiss meds, they can be really helpful if prescribed correctly and reviewed regularly. Sometimes they can help to prop you up so you have the mental energy to make changes that can help longer term.

Definitely discuss HRT too, don't be fobbed off.

I think many of us feel this way at times in our lives unfortunately. You're not alone and I hope you feel better soon.

You're very kind @JohannSebastianBach. It helps just getting it out there sometimes.

I agree that this feeling is probably very common, even if people don't always identify it. I have had other times when I've felt similar, but this is the worst I think. Just feel trapped and bogged down with ifs, buts and maybes. I'm scared of making a mistake job-wise, and pursuing something which isn't right or that I won't enjoy. I've definitely got analysis paralysis.

I have definitely been there, analysis paralysis is a great phrase! Really sums it up!

@JohannSebastianBach good isn’t it? I heard it somewhere and thought the same 😊

Well, if you're only 47 you've got another 20 working years ahead of you, at least. What are you going to do with them? Carry on with the "same old same old" for the next 20 years or do something else? You probably need a goal to work towards. What would you really like to do, OP? Give it some thought.