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Friends (or lack of,) getting me down

2 replies

CyprusLiving · 05/02/2022 09:14

I'm a spouse of a UK military man, so we move around alot. I've been at my current base for just over 18 months now, and just haven't built up any decent friendships.
I got here during peak Covid so making friends was hard as nothing was open open social events didn't happen. My next door neighbour and I used to be go to the local pub as a small group, but since last summer it's all just stopped. With multiple people now, I have tried so hard. I've planned so many social events (bingo nights at the pub, pub quizes, days to the park/beach/pools), but I hardly ever get invited back.
My neighbour asked if I wanted to go to the cinema as a group, I said yes...a few days later someone I go to a fitness class told me that she was going to a wine tasting event at the pub, the same night and time as the film, with my neighbour as a group. I then text my neighbour and asked if we were still going to the film, and she said she had no plans to go to the film.

My so called "group of friends" go to the local most Fridays together, yet I've never been asked. They go to the water park or beaches together, go round eachothers for a brew with the kids afterschool whilst the husbands are working. The hardest thing is my two children try to play in the garden with them (chain link fences, thanks military!), only to be told you can't play as we have friends round. Yet all the kids go to the same school and share the same breaktimes etc so know eachother well.

I just feel like everyone forgets me or just doesn't want me around.

I don't know how else to make friends. I've tried other groups, new people moving onto camp...I feel like no one wants to know me.

New people move on and within weeks are best pals with people, always having nights at eachothers houses, going for brunch or whatever whilst I'm just sat begging to have someone, even just one friend.

Sorry for the rant and length of the post!

It's been getting me down for a while and I don't know if I'm being unreasonable and expecting to be invited to place. Or if I should just cut my ties and except that they don't want me?

OP posts:
AssignedNorthern · 05/02/2022 09:21

You don't appear to be unreasonable at all in expecting to be included and from what you have said it sounds as though there's quite a cliquey group of people where you are based which does make things hard. Excluding children from playing is incredibly mean spirited also. Does your DH have some close friends where you are based? Is he able to arrange a group outing where you could perhaps get to know the others wives and partners with him there for support?

CyprusLiving · 05/02/2022 09:36

@AssignedNorthern it is very cliquey here, unfortunately most military camps I've experienced are!

He has a small group, 3 or 4 that go to the pub most weekends. The issue is, only one of them has a partner. I've met her, she's lovely. We went to a bbq last summer at their house actually but I couldn't help but feel I was on invited because my husband was. I'm probably somewhat socially awkward too so I didn't know how to act in a group or what to say

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