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Really struggling this morning

8 replies

Random789 · 03/02/2022 09:14

I just want to get some of this down in writing, in the hope that it might clear my head a bit and help me to focus on work. I'm working from home, and it is becoming progressively harder and harder to focus.

I have long term depression, and seem to be referred and re-referred from one mental health agency to another with the process never seeming to get beyond filling in assessment forms, being told about the various therapeutic options, sitting out staff absences, and starting the process again when one staff member leaves and another takes over.

Meanwhile, I am just getting worse. I feel completely hopeless in the face of the cognitive aspects of depression. Endless rumination fracturing my functional thinking, worsening forgetfullness, inability to multi-task even in the simplest way.

Ann emotionally I just feel worn out, zero zero resilience to every possible difficulty or worry or source of anger or resentment. I feel despairing and tearful and furious in my relationship with my husband, and the same feelings are painting themselves onto my reaction to wider world events so that every news item or social media post makes me want to scream or cry.

I'm agitated all the time, always a scream of words in my head. And tunes, too. I can't shift earworms and I grind and clench my teeth to their rhythm.

But at the same time I feel blank, empty, emotionally absent. My son died two years ago and I think I am still pushing it all away. Just sometimes a glimpse comes through and reminds me of the horrors of that. And then I briefly see that the reason for my poor state may be a kind of disassociation. I want to encounter my grief properly. We are still waiting for the inquest and perhaps it will happen then. But I am also hoping for some therapeutice intervention that will help me to do that. Just waiting and waiting for real NHS help though. So far it seems to have just been months and months of circular bureaucracy, all of it costing the NHS time and money, which makes me feel guilty and gives me no benefit.

OP posts:
DaffyDaydream · 03/02/2022 11:04

Hello
I’m so sorry to read about how you are feeling and struggling at the moment. I don’t have much to offer, except to say that I’ve experienced depression in the past and can identify with some of the things you describe. Sorry to hear about your son too. I would think that must be contributing to the way you are feeling. You don’t mention medication. I know it’s not the complete solution, but I found it did take the edge off things and help to calm me. I do hope you will soon get the help for which you are waiting. Take care.

Francescaisstressed · 03/02/2022 11:10

Hi,

I'm so sorry for the loss of you son, and how you are doing at the moment.

Has medication been offered? I know some people are hesitant but it can help in the short and long term? I found through periods of significant depression it made a world of difference

I'm sure the weight of an inquest does not help - do you have a date for that?

Have you checked for free mental health resources near you? Bereavement groups/coffee mornings, mind mental health charity, the samiritans for someone to talk to when you need it?

I'm sorry I can't offer an immediate solution, the NHS help for mental health isn't great. Please know that there is always some help you can find, don't forget about your friends and family who I'm sure would be willing to help out (whether that be an ear or housework) and if you find things too much, go back to your GP and explain.

Random789 · 04/02/2022 13:38

Thank you very much for your kind responses. I am taking ADs but they don't seem to be helping as much as they have in the past. I guess that is one of the things that will be reviewed when I get to a promised 'formulation meeting' which is apparently the next stage and will be in several weeks.

No date for the inquest yet, but our lawyer gave a guestimate of spring, so it could be soon.

OP posts:
J7510 · 05/02/2022 00:06

Do you feel Anxious?

In my experience Anxiety is different to depression although they do almost cross over, one can make the other worse (in my experience)
I think it is important to treat the anxiety separately.

I totally understand, and have experienced the slow solutions in the mental health referral process, it is unbelievably frustrating because you are either waiting for appointments to materialise or waiting for medication to kick in.
I'd advise seeing a trusted GP.

Get lots of fresh air, & 30 minutes walking definitely makes a difference to me on the tough days.

J7510 · 05/02/2022 00:08

Oh the other thing.. would pre menopause be playing a part?
You don't need to answer this because it is private, or maybe totally irrelevant but just a thought I had.
Best Wishes.

Random789 · 05/02/2022 08:59

Thanks, J. Yes, I think anxiety is part of it. And interstingly I have only in the last several years started to look at the anxiety as a debilitating thing in its own right, rather than simplay as part of the vague cancerous mass called depression. It is helpful to isolate it, because I think the CBT techniques do have a little bit mor of a change of helping with aniety than with depression.

Usually I have found ADs quite helpful in damping down aniety, but they don't seem to be much cop at it atm. I think menopause may have had an impact along the line but I'm not sure, as the problems did pre-exist it.

Thanks for your reply, and I'm sorry to hear that things are tough for you too. Take care x

OP posts:
Random789 · 05/02/2022 09:00

TyposBlush Should have previewed.

OP posts:
J7510 · 05/02/2022 13:23

Debilitating is a great word.

Anxiety really is just that.

It is So so hard to get going when this big weight is holding you back.
Set tiny goals and build up to small goals.
What you say to yourself in your head is important- be kind to yourself and encourage yourself along.

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