Struggling with cognitive functions

[Metooyoubear]

I have a professional job which requires a lot of talking and presentations to large audiences. However, I really struggle with basic communication, following what people are saying in professional but also personal relationships.

My role is considered very intellectual, and I only feel able to carry out communications if I have really planned what I am going to say. I really struggle when I am asked questions which I have not planned for.

I’m not sure if this is indicative of ADHD as I really struggle to focus and pay attention at times. Tonight I have looked up herbal supplements that boost cognitive functioning. I’m going to give these a try. Anybody else experience this?

Hi, I wonder if you’ve looked at the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board or maybe want to post on that as someone might be able to help?

I suspect I have ASD and find small talk or unplanned conversations with people I don’t know very well, especially in a work setting, extremely difficult.

However I think you’re a rock star being able to stand up and give presentations in front of loads of people!

i don't think herbal supplements are going to solve this. sorry.
have you thought of going to the doctor.
or if you have the money, to pay to see some kind of psychologist ?
good luck.

I think it’d be good to delve a bit deeper into the reasons why you think you are struggling with communication. It might be a sign of neurodivergence, but could also be the result of something else.

For example, I prepare what I am going to say in a huge amount of detail because I don’t have a lot of self confidence. I don’t trust myself to be able to wing it. I also get incredibly nervous before I say something, and being well prepared helps to manage that a bit. I don’t like answering questions, because I think my answers aren’t going to be good enough. I’m regularly told that I do a great job, but that’s not enough to reassure me 😔

I often struggle to follow what people are saying, because my brain has a tendency to switch off when faced with a particularly challenging issue. All the work I do is of an intellectual nature, dealing with complex issues for which there are no straightforward answers...if I allowed my brain to do what it wants to do, I’d be switching off all the time. So instead I take lots and lots of notes and go over them later to make sense of what people were saying.

In your case, might you be doing the same because of a stress response? E.g. you think you’re not very good at dealing with questions, so get tense, which in turns makes it harder to concentrate?

When it comes to being neurodivergent or not, do you have any other executive functions you struggle with? E.g. how are you with planning things? Time management? Completing tasks? Focussing (in general, not just verbal communication)? Self control? Working memory? Are any of those things a problem for you?

@Crazzzycat Thank you very much for your response. It's really interesting that you have touched upon self-confidence and self-esteem. I feel that has a big factor to play. I feel like I am out of my depth with my role at times. Because of this I constantly question my ability.

Likewise, my brain also switches off when things are difficult because I can't deal with the mental load. So If I am asked a particularly difficult question I stumble on my words hugely. Even more so if I feel I am being judged.

My colleagues are able to spontaneously have these intellectual conversations and I am encouraged to ask others within my field questions, but I never know how to ask such questions.

In terms of other executive functions I am pretty well organised (and a little obsessive) with planning and time management. I am able to complete tasks. I am also able to focus on things at times. Working memory is a little off at times but I put this down to juggling so much.

You sound so like me @Metooyoubear. While it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who is struggling with these kind of issues, I obviously recognise how utterly debilitating it can be 😔

Like you, I too have wondered if I might be neurodivergent. I’ve read a lot about ADHD and autism and, while I tick a few of the boxes, neither seems to be a great fit. So for me I’m leaning more towards it being an issue to do with self confidence and anxiety.

I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of good advice on how to deal with that, but what’s helped me a little bit is being open with my manager about the issues I’m facing. We’ve been able to have some good conversations about what support I need (e.g. regular feedback, opportunities to discuss how to handle particular issues etc).

It also became clear from those conversations that how I see myself (struggling and completely out of my depth) is not at all how other people see me. Even though that’s not really changed how I feel about myself, it has been reassuring.

There’s a lot of self help books around about self-esteem. I’ve been too busy reading about neurodiversity to really delve into that, but I did buy this workbook a while ago. It has really good reviews, and is based on CBT principles:

www.amazon.co.uk/Self-Confidence-Workbook-Overcoming-Self-Esteem/dp/1641521481/ref=asc_df_1641521481/?hvlocphy=9045251&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=310831412334&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-561246932868&hvrand=7928981169694931931

Finally, the one thing I’ve learnt from doing all that reading about neurodiversity and executive skills is that absolutely no-one excels at everything. People with “spiky profiles” (i.e. crap at some things, but really good at others) have just as much, if not more, to contribute as those who do most things reasonably well. So now I try to cut myself a little slack and remind myself of what I am capable off, and not just what I struggle with.

Final final point, this book, about executive skills and how to improve them, has been life changing for me. It’s what made me realise that I have a lot more to contribute than my low self esteem likes me to think. If you have any concerns about your executive functions, this is the book to get 👇

www.amazon.co.uk/Smart-but-Scattered-Guide-Success/dp/1462516963/ref=asc_df_1462516963/?hvlocphy=9045251&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=310834580283&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-434137174550&hvrand=15173988701379759140

I hope some of this helps in some way 😊

@Crazzzycat That’s really helpful thank you very much. Like you have said it’s good to know that I’m not alone in this, and others do face similar insecurities.

What a brave thing to do to talk to your manager. That must have been difficult but so helpful for you. I have requested referral for some CBT to see if that can help combat the negative thought processes and help me move forward.

Im going to look at those books that you have recommended. Thank you very much.