Practical ways to feel well

[Silentraindrops]

I just really need practical ideas to feel well.
I don’t mean things like go for a walk and have a bath as I know that they’re basic things I should be doing. I am struggling with even those and I don’t know how to make myself do them.
I just want to know how am I supposed to be “normal?!”
I have no end of things “wrong” with me yet I cover it all up so well that I basically become invisible when I’m struggling as I have literally got no idea how to ask for help and what that even looks like really. I don’t want to take peoples time up but I would really love to experience just being truly ok.
I would love to be able to work again in time but for now I’d just settle for being able to sleep at night, being able to get myself washed and dressed everyday and get outside more.
Mostly it’s all in my head. I think I’ve probably been this way forever. Genuinely since being very young. It’s ok but it’s not ok. When I’m getting on on the outside it’s a bit easier to deal with as I’m busy all the time but it’s been quite some time now that I am only just able to meet basic demands for others. I do it because I want to and spending time with my children loving them and caring for them is the only thing I don’t find difficult but when it comes to myself I just can’t. I don’t think I’ve come back from a big breakdown I had a while back to be honest. I know it’s about “self motivation” but I’ve tried so hard for so long and it’s just not there. I feel like I have broken but the red light is still on.
I know what the underlying reasons are but I don’t know what I can do about it.

I know I need to keep working on the barrier of admitting to others that I’m not ok, it’s just so hard and I don’t know where to go with it really as I’m quite solitary and don’t have a “support system” as people call it.
So what I’m asking for are practical ways to make yourself get going in life. How can I make sure I’m living a bit more and taking care of myself?

Little steps towards bigger goals is best. Build confidence and momentum over time without burning out, so set yourself a long term aim, then think about how to break this aim down.

Eg the ‘get outside more’ - what does this mean to you? Where’s nearby?

When you say you dont have a support system, do you have any people you feel easy around? I definitely think telling someone how much you’re struggling would be a positive move in the right direction. You don’t mention speaking to any professionals about your mental health… does that feel like something you could do? I definitely think a holistic plan of action is best tackling low mood and depression, which is what this sounds like.

I replied and it’s disappeared! Maybe I clicked preview instead of post.
Anyway I’ll re-type what I said as closely as I can…
I like the idea of smaller steps towards a bigger goal but even the small thing feel like climbing a mountain every day when there is so much locked inside of me.
Just going outside. I don’t know how else to explain it. I get out with my children because they need it but we used to do so much and even that feels hard now. I live in a city but there are places close by (water fronts and beaches) that I used to enjoy walking.
Now I struggle to do things that used to be ok. I order my shopping online when I have no real need to and I do it where I can have it in bags so I can avoid the interaction as much as possible. I cancelled a dentist appointment today because I just couldn’t face it.
I do have an amazing best friend and we support each other but I am very aware that people have their own lives and nobody can fix another person. I try to enjoy the nice bits of having a lovely friendship and we are there for each other when struggling but if I spoke to her every time I felt I was struggling she may aswell be a councillor and not my friend and I don’t want that!
I had to have professional help when I had a breakdown and I have tried cbt and counselling and they did help in the moment but I only dealt with very surface level stuff which I’m gutted about to be honest.
Yes depression is one thing I’ve had labelled. That and generalised anxiety disorder, ptsd, another more serious mental health condition which I truly don’t agree with because I feel that it doesn’t “fit” me but it’s there. Also awaiting an asd assessment and have so much working through, processing
and understanding to work on from a whole childhood.
I just don’t know how to get out of this rut I feel like I’m in.
If I could just silence my mind and deal with day to day it sounds fairly easy to do but my mind just feels so busy and loud and chaotic inside every day and no matter how hard I try it just doesn’t stop.
I find myself grounding myself many times each day just to function at this level.

I feel for you! I can completely relate to it, as I have seen it in close family! And I also understand your strong dislike for labels such as depression, PTSD etc.
However, I see a bright ray of hope in your own post - that you like doing things for your kids and spending time with them. That’s really encouraging - do more of it, it will give you a purpose.
As for easy practical advice, I’ll start with really simple and basic :
Drink more water, as water raises our vibrations;
Try to have a fixed sleep cycle - sleep and wake up at the same hours everyday - this will help improve your moods;
Meditate and/or practice Mindfulness through colouring, etc if you like;
Eat healthy food combinations - food can help enhance our moods and sense of well being if eaten right.

Hope this helps.

Sending you lots of positive energy 🙂

Are you on medication? I take my antidepressants every morning with vitamins to give me a boost. Who knows if they do (doesn't always feel like it!) But I feel better and more in control for being proactive in trying to help myself.
Small steps lead you forward. If you can't face a shower, wash your face and underarms and get dressed. Even if you can't face going outside, leave your bedroom and sit in your lounge. Open the curtains and windows.
I find these small steps help me to wake up the next day to take it further. One day I'm having a washcloth wash, the next in the shower. Going downstairs helps me build up to putting shoes on and going out.
Healthy eating is good advice, keep it simple so it's easy. Buy fruit you like for snacks, buy soup or make it if you feel up to it. Don't pressure yourself into doing too much too soon, but push yourself out of your boundaries in a safe and managed way until you find the next step to be closer.

@Koksha They absolutely are my purpose. I really do enjoy doing things with them, I always have done but my eldest especially has their own life going on now and is becoming increasingly more independent and grown and I would never want to hinder that, I'm very proud of them.
It’s very strange because I can still see happiness and beauty in things but it’s kind of like they’re just around me and passing me by and I can touch them but never for too long whilst I am stuck in some sort of slow motion replay life in my own head that I can’t get out of.
Water is a great one, I really should take that advice rather than just agreeing and then not doing it. I always forget to drink!
I can often go a whole day without drinking anything if I’ve not had a hot drink before I realise I’m thirsty, and water is so important I know!
I will start with that one tomorrow.
I don’t really like just water though, does Ribena count?!
Yes a sleep cycle would be really great, it’s something else I really struggle with. I often don’t sleep until 2,3,4am sometimes later, particularly frustrating when you’ve been trying all night and you see it start to get light again!
I will try and make myself go to bed at a set time each evening though, I generally get up at the same time most mornings but a bedtime routine may help.
I do try mindfulness and will carry on trying.
And food is another one I struggle with. It’s either too much or not enough and often it’s not the right things!
I’m not doing well here on basic self care it would seem!
Thank you for the advice, and thank you, sending positive energy back 😊
@Pillowaddict no medication but I’d be open to trying out vitamins and natural supplements.
I think I need to read and learn more about medications. I’m just quite anti medication and I’m not entirely certain that my reasons are fact based.
Yes the small steps will help, I think making sure I at least have a wash every day would be helpful. It’s so gross and I feel gross when I type it out but it’s just been so hard to keep on top of looking after myself properly. I think that being washed and dressed every day will help me to do more in itself though, so I will aim to do that again.
I don’t really stay in my bedroom. I love my bedroom but only go there at night time. I prefer to be present in my home with my children, more so for their benefit although I do enjoy my home and my childrens’ company, either way - I just couldn’t stay in my room in the daytime.
Thank you very much, the practical ideas are what I need. I hate that I have to ask on an online forum but I don’t know who else to ask!

I understand, medication isn't for everyone. There are vitamins that can help boost mood and energy (apparently!), I take magnesium to help with sleep, and vitamins d3 and c, and zinc for energy. Even a multivitamin in am and magnesium and zinc pill at night could help give you focus and help you feel you're helping yourself.
Don't feel gross, or be harsh on yourself, if you can treat yourself to a nice soap to use with a cloth and warm water, and a nice face wash for the morning. Make it feel like a nice thing you're doing for yourself rather than forcing yourself because you have to. (Holland and Barrat buy one get one for a penny is a good way to purchase vitamins/supplements and toiletries at the moment for reasonable price).
That's brilliant you use your bedroom only at night (really, I can go through phases I struggle to leave mine), and it's really good sleep hygiene so can help when you're trying to work on your sleep routine.

Sending you positive well wishes

Are you me?
I am still up at this ungodly hour, in a house that is a complete tip because I just can't bear/bring myself to do proper housework.
I struggle a lot with anything more than basics really, and it really is the basics.
I am on medication - I have been for a long time but particularly since I crumbled a couple of years ago.
I'm not sure what helps me really - little steps, little wins - a shower, school on time, meeting work deadlines etc really helps, as well as great friends who I know I can call on (but can also call on me - we have different needs and issues and are there for each other as much as we can, bearing in mind the issues that each of us have)

Ribera is no substitute for water, as it has a lot of additives. But if flavour is what you crave, you could fill a carafe with water and a few mint leaves. And make sure to take a few sips every hour. We humans are creatures of habit, and often some sort of framework is more helpful.
As for your sleep, you could try having a glass of warm (cow) milk before bed, if you are not allergic or avert to it. You could also try counting down from 100 to 0, as you lay in bed. It’s a trick that always helps my daughter, when she can’t sleep.
Most importantly though, set really small daily targets - as you meet them it will instil in you a sense of achievement and make you feel good about yourself .
Any sort of community helps us to cope, and this online community is as good as any :-)
Xx