Its taken me a lot to write this but ive seen so many other supportive threads and I really do need some advice.
Ive found myself in a rut where I feel I fluctuate between completely overwhelmed & stressed to numb/stuck inside my own head.
Im a mum to two amazing children - one pre-teen who is now slightly hormonal but generally a really easygoing child and our youngest who has her challenges (very headstrong, fiesty and argumentative). I've been with DH since late teens and we generally have a really good relationship though I feel I do an awful lot and he doesn't understand why I'm so tired and stressed. He works full time in a really demanding job which he can rarely switch off from (he works from home 3 days a week so is physically here) and I work part time around school hours so all the household tasks cooking, cleaning, washing etc are left to me. It isn't that he doesn't help, but most tasks are left to me. If I mention it he says that I make it hard for myself because I start tasks and don't finish. I feel I do that because I have so much to do so I try and do as much as I can as quickly as possible. He says im causing myself overwhelm and will probably wash the dishes for the evening and go back to normal the next day.
I feel like I am constantly anxious and once I am in that state of complete overwhelm I can't get out.
I think I'm suffering from some PTSD (we were foster carers and our last child was an emergency removal from birth parents and was the first case of abuse & neglect we had actually experienced first hand. We had a lack of support so when he moved on we quit) I also suffered a miscarriage back in 2018 and DH doesn't ever want to talk about it. He doesn't like talking about anything negative and is very big on having a positive mindset but I feel like sometimes I have no one to talk to that really understands me.
I also have PCOS though apart from it taking us a while to conceive baby no 3 who we sadly lost, I don't have many other symptoms. I know PCOS affects cortisol levels so could that explain why I feel this way?
I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders sometimes and I get stressed at the simplest of things. I'm so worried its going to impact me as a parent and affect my relationship with my children. I'm irritable and feel like most days go by in a blur for me. I'm simply rarely enjoying life and I need to find a way to make it better. Any advice? It would be really appreciated.