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Mental health

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Original poster

Does my baby hate me?

15 replies

confuzed · 29/12/2007 20:06

I know this must sound so stupid but I have been feeling very low recently and I guess my ds picks up on it. He has started to prefer my other half to me... I couldn't believe it, I went to take ds off other half and ds cried and reached out for other half. Ds is 9 months old. This has happened a few times in the last couple of days. I know it's silly and i tried to laugh it off but I felt like my ds hated me. I am quite lonely and down on myself at the moment so I am trying to keep it in perspective. I love my ds so much, he is my world and it breaks my heart to see that he might have already decided I am a bad person and he's only been alive 9 months

OP posts:

DavidTennantsMistress · 29/12/2007 20:10

no he won't hate you please don't think that, and i'm sure you're a vewry good mummy. children sometimes just prefer one parents- it's pretty mucuh always a phase and it does hurt. but it will pass.

we all love our children to bits nad he will love his mummy but when he's prefering your DP do something you wouldn't normally be able to do - ie a nice bath or something during the day to have a bit of you time.

chibi · 29/12/2007 20:11

This is a very sad post...there's no way that your ds doesn't love you, you're his mum. He would love you no matter what. You do sound quite down, have you tried talking about things with your gp or hv? You sound like you need some support, I hope you get it.

lizandlulu · 29/12/2007 20:15

ah, my sympathy goes out to you. why would he know you are a bad person? there is no way he would think that. you are his mother, his world, the one person who brought him into this world and cared for him ever since. im sure he is just picking up that you are unhappy.
when mt dd was 2 days old we were burgaled and had to move to my parents house for a while. in those few weeks i was so so miserable,was crying every day and never smiling. one day i realised she still hadnt smiled at me and she was 10 weeks old.
i had to make a concious effort to be more positive and happy around her.
i dont know what your situation is but i hope you start to feel better soon.
have you spoke to your other half about it?

Original poster

confuzed · 29/12/2007 20:22

Thank you everyone for your support.

DavidTennantsMistress thank you for your kind post. DP doesn't get home until 8 most nights so it is hard to involve him. He has been off all over Christmas though so he has helped out lots.

Chilbi - my GP/HV are rubbish - sorry to be so blunt as it is good advice! I used to have private counselling and it worked really well but it is too expensive to pay for now I am not working. I try to remember some of the stuff I learned from time to time but like anything it is hard to do on your own. Thank you also for your kind post.

Lizandlulu your post made me cry it was so nice. I will speak to DP but he doesn't really hold with depression - one of those people who sees it as a weakness and a 'get over it' kind of person. I know you are right as it is best to talk these feelings through.

OP posts:

lizandlulu · 29/12/2007 21:10

my dh has depression and i was like your dh to start with. thought it was silly as he had nothing to be depressed about. but as time goes by you realise it is an illness to be treated just like any other.
if you feel this bad, i would go to the docs and see about seeing a councillor without having to pay for it.
i am not advising this, but my dh exaggerated his problems so he could get to see someone to talk to about it. your gp should take a sympathetic view on this and refer you to someone who can help you.

DavidTennantsMistress · 29/12/2007 21:28

right i'll tell you something now, I've suffered from depression on and off since I was 16 - I seem to be able to control it thou with a lot help form my mum and talking things out, but anyhow. the first time I was depressed I thougth i'm not going to a councillor, i'm not seeing my dr it's a sign of weakness it's a sign I can't handle things. and you know what - it was that mentality which made it worse - it takes a bigger and stronger person to admitt and seek help than it does to run away and hide, by allowing things to fester it will only get worse.

you can talk to us of course but you also need RL support - how is your family in general are they supportive? do you have much time away from the baby - or you and DP together as a couple? can you change your GP possibly?

your baby will love you no matter what. if he doesn't normally see as much of his daddy then he's probably enjoying bonding with his daddy - after all, in our house mummys are there for the best bits - the cuddles and kisses and daddy's are there for playing and being boistrous.

mummyhill · 29/12/2007 21:50

Having suffered post natal depression after both children I can categorically state that your child doesn't hate you. The kid doesn't even know what hate is. I know that my children both pick up on my moods and will react in a bad way if I am feeling low.

Even if you think that the GP and HV are not that good it is worth talking to them and asking them to run through the edinburgh scale with you. You however have to be honest and not just tick the answers that you think they want to hear otherwise they cannot offer you any help or support.

Original poster

confuzed · 29/12/2007 21:58

Thanks guys this has really made me see things from another angle. I will see how I go. If I continue in this 'trough' without any change then I will go to my GP. Last time though he immediately wrote a prescription for anti-depressants which I don't want at all. My private and effective counselling was in CBT which worked brilliantly - for the first time in my life it made me feel 'as good as' other people! DTMistress my Mum is great to chat to but she is away at the moment - she always sorts me out! I think I am similar to you in that through talking and distracion I can 'control' how I feel. CBT also helped me to see things from another p.o.v - although like I said I'm not doing that now so it can be tricky to use the techniques.

This thing with ds not wanting to come to me really shook me though. It really did make me wonder if my own son saw me as some other people have done in my life I realise that it is very irrational and silly and he probably, in those moments, just wanted his dad. Doesn't stop you wondering though.

Thanks again to everyone who has posted advice. It really is much appreciated.

OP posts:

blanki · 29/12/2007 22:04

Your ds will love you unconditionally, Im sure that you are projecting. Sometimes they are funny lillte things. You are so entitled to help, support and encouragement. If in doubt and need someone to talk to there are phone helplines. I have found that very helpful in the past. Hope things are better soon

DavidTennantsMistress · 29/12/2007 22:06

sweetie this is only a phase. DS will soon have enough of daddy and want you all the time again.

hope your GP is helpful - with any luck if you tell him you don't want meds he might reffer you - how old are you if you don't mind me asking? in our local area under 25's have a drop in type centre called off the record (or used to) where you could get free councilling - might be worth seeing if you can do something like that?

Original poster

confuzed · 29/12/2007 22:13

Thanks Blanki for your kind post. Which phone lines were you thinking of? I'd be interested in any you can recommend.

DTMistress - over the hill I'm afraid (well only 32 but feels like 72!).

OP posts:

blanki · 29/12/2007 22:28

Will just check numbers, back in a mo...

madmouse · 29/12/2007 22:43

Hi confuzed

So sorry you feel like this. Nothing you say is stupid. Without detracting from all great advice about seeking help (please please do!) I do note that you say your DH is not home until 8pm most nights. Is it possible that your little one misses daddy and is glad when he is around and just wants to hang out with him?

My best mate has two lovely dd, four years and 11 months, both besotted with daddy. She is with them all day and when he finally is home (works long hours too) she becomes sort of invisible...

blanki · 29/12/2007 22:49

Sorry pc being prissy!

Samaritans 24/7
08457 909090

Breathing Space 6pm-2am
0800 83 85 87

If you haven't called before, please dont worry. They are really kind individuals who give their time to talk to people like us so that we are not alone in our own heads! It can really help to talk to someone just once, they dont need your name, not there to judge, they will just listen to you. Hope this hepls!

mummyhill · 30/12/2007 18:11

www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk is a good website to look at.
Sometimes it is useful to take ad's before starting councelling.

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