Health anxiety - how to break the cycle?

[worriedoncemore]

Any tips?

I've had health anxiety in varying degrees for 8 years, ever since I had some abnormal bleeding and was convinced I had womb cancer. I didn't have womb cancer, just benign fibroids, but the trigger had been pulled. Since then, I've had health scares relating to bowel cancer, breast cancer and, most recently, lymph node cancer, as well as countless more minor worries in between. For example, I had a lump on my knee which was clearly a bite taking a while to go down, but of course I found myself googling knee cancer!

With the cancer scares, I put myself through investigations which I found incredibly stressful but the only way to get the reassurance I needed. However, even when told all is fine, I still worry the doctors might have got it wrong! With the lymph node worry, they had to repeat one of the blood tests (said they couldn't process it) which prompted the worst anxiety I've ever experienced as I waited for the repeat result. Two days ago I got a text from the GP saying all normal, no further testing needed which was a massive relief but still I worry they're going to call again and say it's a mistake. I jump everytime my phone goes!

I've decided I cannot put myself through this again and need to find a way of breaking the cycle. I know googling is bad but struggle to stop myself. It doesn't help that cancer seems to be everywhere with tragic stories popping up on my newsfeed etc. The cancer ads on TV don't help either ("one in two people will get cancer" arghhhh!).

Ironically, I'm very fit and healthy and am rarely actually ill. However, I'm over 50 and worry my luck will run out soon and, next time, I will have something serious.

Thanks for reading x

I'm not sure I can help but I could have written your post. Every tiny feeling / lump / mark must be a sign of cancer....... I'm now on antidepressants which have stopped it thankfully - other than that staying away from trashy news / social media really helped too.

Thank you both for replying . Sorry to hear you've experienced the same, it's hideous, but good to know I'm not alone. I'm not even sure what an iliac node is but will resist the urge to Google as I'll likely find one too! As you say, it's sure to be nothing but it's the horrible "what if" feeling....

I’m 36 and have had it since childhood - it’s absolutely miserable. I was a precocious child and could read very early and I’m sure reading the health pages of my mum’s women’s magazines triggered me off! I also have emetophobia.

Like you I’ve had irregular bleeding (checked out and nothing sinister, linked to my Mirena coil in my case). I’ve just self referred to talking therapies - I hope it helps me. I’m a really happy person besides this but when I get anxious about something it’s debilitating

I suffer the same - from various lumps requiring investigation. It’s so hard.

Personally I haven’t found a cure, but I avoid anything cancer related and triggering in that respect. Sending you love.

@lostteaspoon yes, I'm otherwise cheerful & happy person too - outsiders wouldn't have a clue I feel this way. I can also go for long periods of being mostly fine but once I get a health worry it's all consuming. This latest scare has really shaken me - having to repeat the blood test was a shocker. I should be relieved and happy now I've been given the all clear but my experience over the last couple of weeks has left me traumatised. I'm angry that, yet again, I'd put myself through testing for something that, deep down, I knew was nothing.A similar thing happened last year with a breast dent that I knew damn well had been there for years and was a scar from where I'd had an absess caused by breast feeding removed. The clinic took it very seriously and it was 6 weeks before I got confirmation that all was well. On the other hand, if I hadn't done it, I'd still be worrying it might be something serious. It really is a viscous circle!

@FlamingRoses thank you. I really should try harder not to click on those tragic stories but it's so hard not to be tempted and disappear down the rabbit hole.....

I really hope the Talking Therapies can help. My DH is very level headed and handles my anxiety wonderfully - he’s a saint when I ask ‘but what if….’ for the millionth time - but I don’t want to pass it on to my DC (7 and 4) - the 7yo seems very chilled like his dad but DD is a little worrier and I don’t want her to pick up on any of my health panics.

It took a lot of courage to fill in the referral form but I felt better once I had.

Sending so many sympathies. I do think this gets harder as you get older - especially for women. I had the hysteroscopy for post-meno bleeding, then my routine breast screening, then I had to do my six-monthly blood pressure check. And my last smear was borderline but I've been refused any further checks because I'm HPV negative so that's a niggling worry. Even if we manage to do the right things and not google etc the system itself kind of pushes these worries onto us!!

I don't think there are any magic cures, sadly. The obvious things- exercise, meditation, keeping busy - do help. I also think it can help to consciously value the times when you're not in an immediate worry zone - find a way to treat yourself - to try and stop everything blurring into one.

For me it was quite useful to think about the reasons for having health anxiety (I realised that I was thinking it would actually protect me from having anything really serious and letting go of this belief was helpful) but I know not everyone finds introspection productive.

@HPFA I agree with you it gets harder with age. I'm also perimenopause with wacky periods etc (as well as the fibroids) which adds to the fun. Due to have my 3rd surgery on the fibroids

I identify with your comment about believing that worrying about health stuff will somehow stop the worst happening, not sure I'm ready to let go of that one.

You sound just like me! I am also fit and healthy over 50 but have convinced myself over the last few years that I have pretty much every cancer going. For instance, my optometrist noticed a tiny cyst on my lower lid, well who knew there was eye lid cancer-I do now after some ridiculous googling! My current worry is cervical cancer as during my smear, the nurse noticed a small lesion so I have been referred. I can't help thinking the worst and despite vowing not to Google, I did and ended up down the rabbit hole of advance CC!

All the time I am well and don't have any niggles I am fine, confident and relaxed. The slightest thing can set me off though and I am not sure how to control it. Maybe once this drama is hopefully over, I will speak to my GP about it. You are not alone, I think this is very common.

@OnthePiste thanks for your reply, sorry you are suffering too, though it helps to know I'm not alone.

As I've commented on another recent thread (entitled "Anxiety , anyone else suffer like me" if you want to read it), my anxiety seems to have shifted atm to my teenage son. I've spotted a bump on his neck (lymph node?) and am now in bits. I know I need to speak to the GP about it as, although the likelihood is he's fine, as the worry will never go away otherwise. I'm dreading it and the "what ifs" have already started. Bloody ironic that I was only there a couple of weeks ago with the very same worry about myself and now I'm about to open another can of worms. Gah!

I could have written this. No advice but you're not alone

@worriedoncemore oh no your poor thing but I did similar with my teenage son! He had nausea every morning and lost weight so I took him to GP who ordered bloods. These came back showing he was low in white blood cells-OMG I have never been so terrified, much more than any of my so called cancer scares. I actually couldn't google what it meant as I could not face knowing if it could be something life threatening. I had to wait 6 weeks for the test to be repeated, no idea how I got through it to be honest. Second test was borderline which the GP was happy with. Turned out his symptoms were anxiety related to starting a new school!

Make the appointment, the sooner you do, the soon you will find out it is something and nothing. There are so many common things it could be but your brain is tricking you into thinking it must be something awful and life threatening! HA truly sucks and I am determined to get on top of mine. Good luck - I truly sympathise with you and know just how you feel x

@OnthePiste thank you for replying and sharing your story about your DS. It's truly worse when it's one of your children, I feel so guilty now stressing so much about my own health. I worry they will do bloods as I hate waiting for the results, I was a wreck waiting for mine, so god knows how I'll be with DS. 6 weeks would kill me too! I've got a phone appointment in a week and a half (typical of our surgery atm) but said if I call on the day they open up more appointments (if you can actually get through that is!)

Panic over - I hope! I made DS let me examine his neck properly and there is no blimmin lump, just what is clearly a bit of prominent muscle. DS is naturally skinny so his bones, muscles veins etc tend to stick out more than average. He thinks I'm a lunatic. Swear there was something there but if there was it appears to have gone (fingers crossed).

@worriedoncemore

Panic over - I hope! I made DS let me examine his neck properly and there is no blimmin lump, just what is clearly a bit of prominent muscle. DS is naturally skinny so his bones, muscles veins etc tend to stick out more than average. He thinks I'm a lunatic. Swear there was something there but if there was it appears to have gone (fingers crossed).

Oh that's hilarious..well at least you can relax now! Don't worry-I think a lot of teenage boys think their mothers are quite mad!