Feel so depressed

[RedCandyApple]

I feel so depressed I don’t know what to do anymore, I suffer from traction alopecia I’ve had this since I was 18, I am completely bald on the right side of my head, I mean literally there is no hair there at all. I coped with this by wearing hair extensions that I did myself using bonding glue to cover it but this was ruining the hair I had left, so I now wear wigs but I hate wearing them they all look awful and I look horrible I’m so depressed. The hair will never grow back it’s completely gone. I’m in my early 30s and I’ve had to live with this for so many years but the wigs are making me feel worse as I had to take them off when I get in and I can’t escape myself in the mirror and how awful I look, I hate going out as I think everyone can tell my wig and I’m embarrassed, Im so sad I will have to live the rest of my life like this for a mistake I made as a teen, I feel so depressed and don’t know anyone else this has ever happened to so I feel so alone. I know it’s just an appearance and people will think I’m shallow but it’s really getting me down I cry about it. I don’t even know why I’m posting as nothing can be done

Hi @RedCandyApple,

We're really sorry you're feeling so low. We're just giving your thread a bump in case anyone's around to give you some advice and support.

Sending good wishes

Sorry to hear that. I'm sure people can't tell and while I understand why you're self-conscious, the reality is that other people will be thinking about other things.

Is there any chance you could embrace the opportunity to wear wigs? - enjoy being able to switch your style easily and try out different styles? Or go for a shaved look all over?

You're only early thirties so bet you look fabulous in other ways. You have health, youth, you can't change this one thing, so the necessary thing to do is to change your attitude, which you do have the power to change.

Hope you're feeling better today.

You said you wore hear extensions you did yourself??? How about seeing someone professional about extensions and seeing what they may be able to do??

Thanks for your comments. I don’t think I could shave it all off I’ve always loved long hair and it wouldn’t be my personality to have it shaved, I also don’t like bright colours so I wouldn’t want anything that would attract attention

Yes I use to visit the hair dressers but I stopped going as I felt embarrassed they would often comment on it or there was always other people in there that would stare at me so I started doing it at home so people didn’t know.

:( sounds like it’s really affecting your self confidence. I’m sorry you are struggling. I wonder if there is an alopecia support group you can join and get ideas for how they cope with it? There must be lots of people in same situation, feeling exactly that same as you. Life can really suck sometimes :(

Can you source a mobile hairdresser? When i was much younger I lost 80% of my hair due to a medical condition. At the time my hair was always something people commented on as it was so long. I lost it over night. I remember how upset i was and how depressed it made me. I found a lovely mobile hairdresser who was a miracle worker, she became a close friend.

I will look into a mobile hair dresser, I wouldn’t ever be able to go bald no offence to any women that are but I think that it’s a really hard look to pull off even for a man let alone a woman and I just don’t have the confidence to pull it off. It’s affecting my life to the point I can’t even face seeing myself in the mirror. It’s something I can’t change either which is what affects me the most.

I doubt anyone would think you were 'shallow' to feel down about this. I also bet you feel more unattractive than anyone else finds. Good luck to you and don't give up. There are joyful times coming, whatever happens about your alopecia.

How are you feeling today?

Thank you

I should add one of the reasons why I think people do notice and look at my hair is because my sister use to always put me down about My hair and say it looked horrible when I use to put in the extensions, she said you could clearly see the extensions weren’t my real hair as I have extremely frizzy natural hair and even though I straighten it any drop of rain or any humidity it will fluff right up whereas the extensions would stay straight so you could clearly see the difference because they didn’t blend well. My sister use to criticise me and say it looked horrible and say people can tell and that I don’t look good and should sort my hair out and that strangers won’t tell me but will be thinking it but she’s telling me as a sister but I don’t know what else she wanted me to do. My hair is so bad I can’t wear it out at all so what choice do I have? It can’t be disguised I’ve tried. There is not much I do with it. She use to tell me to go to the drs but there is nothing they can do. There are no hair follicles there anymore, no amount of creams or tablets will bring it back. So I do know that people are looking and I know people do criticise women with bad hair extensions/wigs I don’t talk to her now for different reasons but it’s stuck with me.

@HaventAScooby

How are you feeling today?

Thank you I feel a bit better today it’s helped me to talk about it as I’ve ignored it for so many years so it’s helped to write it down and get it out

Good to hear. Happy for you to PM if you'd like to.

It's understandable that you are feeling the way you do. Women's identities are linked to our appearance which includes our hair.

I really hope you feeling better today and are finding some strength from somewhere.

Well, your sister sounds like a joy! Is she normally this much of a cow?

Seriously, I know two women who both lost all their hair through alopecia. One of them had her hair return after several years, the other didn't. They both wore scarves, hats etc.

The main point is once people knew, it was no big deal. I remember being really relieved once I knew as I'd worried it was cancer. Once I knew, it was/is just 'them', like so and so is short, so and so has red hair, so and so has no hair, it was just something about a person but not something you'd need to comment on.

I know it's not how you want to be seen or to look but if it's genuinely unfixable, would it not be better to put your thought and emotional energy into how to style your look, whether with wigs or hats or whatever so you look totally fabulous?

No more bad hair days, no more need to wash your hair, you can look amazing every day!

Have you seen Schitt's Creek? Moira in that wears different wigs in every episode and looks fabulous.