Fed up with assumptions about mental health / depression

[Orangesandlemons77]

I spoke to MIL for the first time about depression the other day. I have been supporting her a lot after her bereavement last year.

She wasn't very supportive, said antidepressants are 'addictive' and that she had turned them down when the doctor offered them

Also asked me what I have to be depressed about? I explained that it sometimes doesn't have a specific cause, that I had it on and off my whole life.

I wish I hadn't mentioned it now.

Attitudes like hers are the reason many people keep their depression as some kind of shameful secret. Sorry she wasn’t more supportive after all the support you’ve given her.

Thanks Boomboom

I really dislike the ‘what have you got to be depressed about’ bit and I think that a lot of people (especially older people) have a terrible attitude towards MH. I had anorexia/bulimia for over 10 years and my parents spent most of that time telling me I should just eat and even now tell me that I’m lucky that my DH stuck with me through my silly eating phase.

That said, and I’m not sure of the context of your chats, if she doesn’t want ADs then she doesn’t want them. They are handed out too often by doctors. Anti depressants are very useful for clinical depression but there is little evidence to show that they are effective in treatment of grief.

I honestly think it's a generational thing which sometimes still leaks down to more suggestible younger people.

My own parents have said exactly those things above, about both my depression and my eating disorder.

Eventually these things will change just like racism and sexism now being minority thinking and not socially acceptable, so too shall be the case with this. We have to hope. YANBU.

Thanks for the replies. Yes I wondered about it being a generational thing (she's late 70s) Maybe I was expecting a bit too much.

I'm sorry she wasnt supportive but I hope you have other people you can talk to about your MH? I hope you will find most people more open minded and educated about depression these days.

I didn't encourage her to take them, yes think grief is different to depression.

I do have some old freinds who I can talk to yes, when I get to see them. Thanks

Sorry @Orangesandlemons77 I wasn’t sure if that is what you were trying to say to her.

That's OK!

I hate it, too. My MIL doesn't believe in depression, she thinks we should pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. I don't see her much.

There was a poster on here yesterday saying that a Y6 child shouldn't be allowed to be a "mind mentor" because she was having counselling herself. Others chimed in agreeing, equally alarmed. I mean, do they think it's catching?! It feels as though some people would still like to gather up all the people with mental health problems, label them as "the mad" and segregate them. In 2022.

It must be hard having your parents saying these things. As if it is a choice...

Sometimes those close to us in terms of family don't seem to get it but a stranger can. It's a funny world.

To echo all the pp, it definitely seems to be a generational thing. My old manager hauled me up in the office when I had time off for depression.. got told I "had nothing to be depressed about". My own mum has been dismissive of it too.. even when she visited me on a mental health ward, she asked if the ward was "for people who are not mature enough to deal with life".

So sorry op. Sadly this seems to happen a lot with some older people, many people I know often say something similar. For example my gran knows a lady her own age who has had depression her whole life but because she wears nice clothes and makeup, she assumes that there is nothing wrong with her even though sadly she has had anxiety all her life. Both are often quick to judge someone without knowing anything about them and their life

Older folk were told to count their blessings and snap out of it.