What is/was your experience of counselling?

[DisappointedAgain]

I've waited a long time for this. In 20 years i've seen mental health nurses, cbt counsellors, counsellors, not one of them has been able to help me. Cbt focuses on now, where I think most of my issues stem from my past. I was finally hopeful after being on the waiting list since before covid but counselling doesn't seem to be going well. In fact, all they've basically told me to do is get out of the house more, it's not supposed to be cbt but feels very much like it. When I didn't know what to say my counsellor asked me if I wanted this help, of course I do, why else would I stay on the waiting list so long?..I just dont know where to start! I thought that they asked questions to try and get to the root of the problem?
They seemed quite dismissive, as if I was wasting their time. It's all by phone so that probably isn't helping, if I go silent they cant see i'm trying to think. I feel like giving up on it but if I do i've exhausted my options, it's self referral, gp wont help. I'd just be referring myself to the same service. Has anyone had better experiences?

You need to find the right person for you.

So if this person isn’t working out after 3 sessions you can tell the organisation you aren’t clicking and ask to see someone else.

However, do check in with yourself that you are willing to do the work, some of which work practical stuff like getting out. You may well be, but there are people who think talking therapy is a magic bullet.

It does sound very like CBT. While I appreciated some of the practical help I got from CBT, I found it hard that my therapist didn't really acknowledge past struggles or crises in the present that were due to past trauma.

I work with someone different now who does all types of techniques, including EMDR and trauma therapy. She really acknowledges how I've been affected by my past and how it impacts things that happen in my life now. It's been much more helpful. You could look around for someone who does psychodynamic or trauma therapy as a starting point.

Even with the new therapist, I find phone and video consultations difficult. But she acknowledges this and we treat the session differently if we know it will have to be online. Luckily I mostly get to see her in person.

I was put on 12 week course, attending full days 5 days a week. We did all sorts of therapies. I saw psychologists on the course and I saw a further psychologists after the course. I learnt tons about myself from doing all the little tasks we did, but the psychologists were not useful to me at all.

One of my problems was cutting myself. The psychiatrist said that was because I was trying to feel something. I'd read that I magazine articles so wasn't surprised she said it, but it was so not why I did it. You'd think psychiatrists would have come across more than one reason but she wasn't interested in hearing. I also said I showered in the morning and had a bath at night. She said I must have been sexually abused. I was taken aback. She wouldn't have it when I said no one had ever touched me inappropriately, never mind sexually abused me. Shortly after she said she didn't going there was any point continuing. I agreed. It was as if because I didn't fit into a general mould, she didn't want to know.

I learnt two things on the course. It's very tiring talking honestly about yourself. And it's very hard work changing patterns of behaviour that you have fallen into over many years. If you're not comfortable with or feel you're not getting very far, then change your therapist (easier said than done on NHS). Conducting a session on the phone is very hard, but you really do need to think through your answers so I congratulate you in not allowing yourself to be hurried and end up saying things you don't mean. Could you work out a system that you tap or something as you're thinking so the therapist knows you haven't just disappeared and to give you time?

Unfortunately, therapists didn't do a lot for me, but I did become self-aware and my life improved and I taught myself tools for what to do when I start to regress. I hope you get something out of your sessions and things start to look up for you.

It sounds like you need long term therapy with a humanistic/psychodynamic counsellor @DisappointedAgain.

My experience of NHS counselling is terrible.

My experience of counselling through a charity organisation is wonderful, I felt like they actually wanted to help me instead of pushing me out of the door as soon as possible. They spent a lot of time helping me uncover the reasons behind my issues, processing trauma and building coping skills.

I would look outside the NHS if possible.

You may just need to search around a bit more and find the right person. I agree that outside of the NHS could be the best option if you can afford it, as there will be more choice that way.

The best way is to sort of "date" a few counsellors. Look online at different websites, and if you like the look of someone go for one session. See a few for a one-off, and tell them that you are looking for the right fit. A good counsellor will understand and be absolutely fine with this.

Counsellors are not really meant to ask questions as such, and they certainly don't tell you what to do. A good counsellor is more lke a sounding board. They will simply listen to you and reflect things back, and eventually help you to figure things out for yourself. It can take a very long time and a lot of sessions to make true progress. This is why CBT is frequently offered on the NHS, because it is a bit of a sticking plaster and can give you good coping strategies after only a handful of sessions.

If you want to delve into your past then I recommend you look for an experienced psychodynamic counsellor who is registered with the CPCAB (the governing body for counsellors).

I agree with most of @cookiemonster2468 ‘s advice, but the CPCAB is not a governing body, it’s a training body. No-one is registered with the CPCAB but they might have done courses by them (and of course their are lots of training/awarding bodies). There are no governing bodies for counsellors, but there are several professional membership bodies on the Professional Standards Association register - including the BACP, NCS, UKCP and lots more.

I think it can genuinely fix issues, but it really needs to be the right treatment and dig out the root problems.

I've had counselling after losing DM, and that was really very helpful. I had also had 2 DCs about the same time (one whilst she was ill, and the other not long after she'd died), which compounded everything. I was on the brink of PND, which got me fast-tracked through the system (priority given to new mums) and made all the difference as it was dealt with before everything took even more of a nose-dive. I needed to talk it all through, and the reflective 'sounding board' a PP talked about was exactly what I needed.
I had therapeutic CBT after losing my F a few years later. By the time it got to the therapy, things were pretty far gone. It provided temporary practical relief with some of the more practical symptoms I was experiencing. It did nothing to address the root issues, and over time without someone checking in, the root issues wore away the ability to use the plasters.
I am currently doing CBT with a psychotherapist to address the PTSD that is at the root of it all. It is a very different animal to the previous CBT. I'm 6 sessions in, and the therapist is confident 12 will be sufficient (but will provide more if needed). No tools or homework is given, we just work through the memories in the sessions. I was sceptical at first after my previous experience, but it does seem to be genuinely both rewiring the way I feel about the traumatic memories and effecting how I automatically respond to triggers. This has made day to day life much much easier. I got this treatment having been referred to a psychiatrist for questions over neural diversity. He diagnosed the PTSD and referred me for treatment. It is apparently difficult to pick apart where the PTSD ends and potential ND begins so I need to deal with the PTSD first before going back again to investigate ND. In hindsight, it's obvious the daily anxiety attacks and low mood I was having after Dad died was a direct result of the PTSD.

DH also had counselling after losing a parent, and found it really helped. He is currently having therapeutic CBT and IMO it is very much the sticking plaster I found it to be with me. They are giving him lots of 'tools' to manage the anxiety (which manifests itself as paranoia) and depression but, as I now realise with my own experience, nothing to adress the past trauma that started it off. I'm obviously very positive about it (because just getting him to accept he had a problem and into therapy was a huge effort), and day to day it has helped. He is very positive about the effects and has found it very useful. Once his course has finished, I will be strongly suggesting we find someone private to deal with the trauma (because it doesn't seem possible to access those services through the NHS with self-referral).