Not self-harming

[badlydrawnbear]

Background: started self-harming in primary school, did so sporadically but always only superficially until after university when I moved in with now DH and got a job where I had to wear short sleeves and look like I was coping with life. That was over 15 years ago. A couple of years ago things were very stressful and I started hurting myself again in a way that was easier to explain the injuries. Then DH died suddenly last year, so obviously there are a lot of difficult emotions (the situation with his death is complicated), I have been off work and no one was going to see my bare arms so it didn’t matter if there were visible injuries and it escalated a bit. Now I am making plans to go back to work and DC have decided they really enjoy going swimming. I took them last week and lied about what had happened to my arm when DC asked ( it didn’t look as bad as it had), they believed me because they are children, but I can’t keep lying every week about why it looks different/ worse. But it’s hard. I don’t have better coping strategies. Obviously I need therapy long-term, but that’s terrifying and there will be a waiting list, I can’t even get a GP appointment to discuss. I have found bereavement counselling to start in a few weeks which is something but won’t deal with the underlying urge to self-harm. Does anyone have any tips to deal with this? I am just trying to distract myself from it for now and hope that works for long enough.

Hi OP, I'm sorry you having such a hard time. I think how you deal with it will depend on the reasons and patterns of your self harm. Mind and lots of NHS trusts have resources to help you cope. I think if the self harm is a coping strategy for your difficult emotions then the bereavement counseling will help as it will help you to process your grief and emotions. In the longer term talking therapy will also help.

Distraction is a good technique, you could develop yourself a 'tool box' if you will of different things you can do to distract yourself when you have an urge to self harm. Some people find a replacement sensory behaviour can help so for example rubbing ice on your arms, or using an elastic band and flicking it on the wrist. Get self help is a good website that has lots of CBT self help resources that you may find helpful for understanding and dealing with your emotions/ thinking patterns etc.

Do you have any people you can talk to you in your real life?

It can be difficult to break the pattern of self harming but you can do it, you need to learn alternative coping strategies but it may take time.