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What to do when they stop eating?

1 reply

BonnesVacances · 21/01/2022 09:09

I'm supporting an extended family member (FM) who's been going through a lot over the past few years. Their mum had dementia for many years and died a year ago, they live alone so was very isolated during the lockdown, and they work in an industry that totally shut down and still hasn't really recovered so work has dried up. The final straw for them was falling for a friend who had been really supportive but finding out they only saw FM as a friend.

FM tells me they're not suicidal. But that they've given up and don't care anymore, and they are intending to drink themselves into oblivion until they die. They've also stopped eating and haven't eaten for three days.

I'm somewhat out of my depth, though willing to help and am very resourceful. They live in a different city 5 hours away. FM has a bit of a history of exasperating behaviour as a single person with a few ongoing issues, so immediate family tend to be irritated by them more than supportive and are obviously dealing with their own grief too. Though they would step up if they needed to.

I've been on a few websites and understand the right questions to ask, how to empathise, how to validate their feelings, not tell them what to do etc. But the not eating is a worry. I think that by fact of telling me this, they likely are asking for help, but at the same time they are saying they've given up and just want to waste away, so will they accept help?

Any ideas of what to do would be appreciated. I can just be at the end of the line if that's what they need. But equally if something needs to be done, I need to know that.

OP posts:
Bloomsburyreader · 21/01/2022 23:21

I have no answers but I am so sorry to hear your family member, and therefore you, are going through this. You are amazing to be giving empathy and a listening ear and letting them know you are there. I am sorry you are alone in your support of them. I hope someone will come along with better advice than me- bump!

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