Mother with PND worrying about having another.....

[ruthmollymummy]

Hi,
it seems that every hour my opinion shifts wildly from "I'm not having a baby till the world is perfect" to "I want another baby NOW!" and wondered if anyone else has the same thoughts?

I'm on fluoxetine at the mo but it's still early days and things are rough. I always imagined i'd have no. 2 fairly soon after baby1 but obv didn't see the post natal depression coming.

another prob is an anti-D prob which means that there is a 50% chance that with the next pregancy there will be complications ranging from a little worrying to pretty darn scary. Is 50% good or bad!!

do i wait till i'm "better" i guess is the question?

I had 2 boys v close together, because I was so adamant I wanted them to have each othr, and although I was depressed, actually the arrival of ds2 did a lot to dissipate it and healed a lot of PND from the first. (just my experience) I was then on Citalopram for my third pg (just depression, not post natal by then - a lot to do with life circumstances) and the gp and the speicalist I insisted he referred me to were excellent. We jointly decided it was better if I stayed in the ADs, and we worked out a progrma for after the birth which worked out the half life of the tablet so that I could breastfeed around it. It worked well for me and my dd is the most wonderful baby, despite me having tied myself in knots worrying about exactly what you say. If you want another baby, sit down and rationally work out the pros and cons, and if you still want one at the end of it, despite any cons then maybe you and your DP need to mull it over seriously. For me, despite the depression, 2 was better than 1, and 3 better still.

Well, I can't answer your question - as to whether you wait til you feel "better". Only you can decide that. I know you can still be on anti-d's (some kinds, so you would have to discuss it with your GP first) while pregnant so that in itself doesn't have to be a problem.

Fwiw, I did wait til I felt sort of better - ds1 was about 2.5. Then, as it happened, things didn't go to plan and there is a 5 year gap between ds1 and ds2. And I got PND again. But - it was never as bad second time round. This time I didn't have the whole "new baby scariness" to contend with (I knew their heads didn't fall off if you held them wrong), I was (slightly) more able to cope with lack of sleep and - most importantly - I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I would feel better eventually. It was still hard, I still had some very dark days (weeks, months...) but it wasn't as completely overwhelming as first time round.

Only you know how bad bad is - and whether you really want to throw a new baby into the mix. You don't say how old your baby is or how long you've been on the fluoxetine.

Don't know if that helps at all...

hi just wanted to say that i was very down after dd1 and now have dd2 i love it i still have my down days but the good out weigh them by far

can i just ask why you are worried about having another due to the anti d? (i'm r-neg)

thanks, I have been wondering whether another pregnancy and especially birth experience would help as I think a traumatic birth contributed alot to current situation.
dd is an angel really, at 4months she sleeps 12hrs which makes me think I'd cope with being PG now rather than when shes a toddler running around and no longer napping...

santasmissontheside - the r-neg thing is nothing to worry about for a huge percentage of people - the only concern is when you're PG and baby is r-pos and your bloods cross due to some kind of bump or trauma usually - if this happens you'll create antibodies which break down baby's red blood cells which is what has happened to me but as i said is v rare and you will get injections usually at 28 and 34 weeks and after birth to prevent it. sorry if i scared you!

my dd2 is 4mo and dd1 was 2 just this month. itsnot been anywhere near as hard as i imagined it would be.

as for births they can be so different

dd1 21hours 2 failed epidurals
dd2 2.45mins no pain relief - but ruptered placenta after.

so keep open minded when it comes to births. also i will say pg can be very different with dd1 i was incredibly sick all day every day right up to when she was born- that got me incerdibly down

dd2 i had probably 2wks of sickness ad spd, i was however very tired running around after dd1.

as with there age gap its been lovely dd1 just almost out of nappys now and in her big bed. she seems so big.

i still get down especially when dh is at work alot and up to a month ago we were trying for our 3rd and final. we have put that off for now. mainly to enjoy our 2dds and money rather than how i am feeling

cross post

with dd1 i had a bleed and had anti d just after everything was ok

my dh is r-pos and i am r-neg both my dd's have been r-pos

other than the sickness from anti d and bit extra care i have had no probs or worries for the anti d thing.

a traumatic birth can certainly contribute to PND i think,and you seem to be thinking sensibly about the timing-it is hard work being pregnant and running around after a toddler.

i cant really comment as i didnt plan my first 4 pregnancies.i had PND after having ds1 but never got any treatment as i found out i was expecting dd1 when ds1 was 3 months old.i was pretty bad after having dd1 but i dont know if that was PND or circumstances at the time.
i had AND when i was expecting ds2 but i was fine after the birth.
being pregnant with dd2 when ds2 was a rampant 2 year old was bloody hard work.i ended up going on fluoxetine when i was 20 weeks pregnant as i was so bad-but i was pretty ok after having her.i got pregnant with dd3 when dd2 was 6 months old as i found small age gaps were easier.i had AND pretty bad with dd3 and am still being treated for PND 9.5 months after having her.

so the moral of this story is;you cant predict getting PND,so just do what you feel is right for you and your family.it is easier to recognise the signs and get help quickly if you do get it a second time,though.

I guess its just the way i'm feeling (i've only been taking the AD's for two weeks so no effect yet) but i keep thinking - what if its just as bad or worse next time, could I cope with that?

i dunno if i'll ever settle on an answer and be happy or if i'll just have to make a choice with poor DH and stick to it.

all lovely DH says is "yes dear" haha

lol. i think you will see things a bit clearer in another month. i was only recently thinking same things desperate for one more but also thinking wtf!

i'm leaving it a bit longer to get myself straight but i am content with having two. where as when i had just dd1 i was so desperate for another dd.