I can't live like this

[PrettyMaMa]

It sound cruel it sounds ridiculous it sounds the worst

But I have gave 2 kids
2 years old
6 months old
And I just can't from day 1 love my second like my first

I do everything a mother should do with 2nd
Cared for clean happy fed played with enjoys her life thus far

But in the back of my mind I'd give anything to go back my life has changed for the worst
All I see is dd1 growing and am so proud of her she's literally my everything & it's just too hard to love my second the same

It's like I wish I was back to having 1 child

Ppl say it gets better but my initial feeling is I just can't feel the way I'm supposed to for the baby

It's horrible for me cause I want to but she's not dd1 and won't ever be .... sadly I had a baby to extend my family give my daughter a sibling etc

But it's not for me none of it is for me and I dunno what to do

I've fallen out with everyone over it they can't understand and everyday i wake with anxiety wishing I'd never ever made the choice ....

I can’t give you any practical advice or support, as I’ve only had one. I’m sure other posters will be along to share their experiences with you.
But this must be really tough for you to be going through. It is hard to admit things like this in real life, for fear of judgement. I hope things get better for you. I’m sure they will.

The baby's only 6m old so it's early days. Sometimes it takes more time to fall in love with a child. And if it doesn't happen, there's nothing you can do except do your best for her. I'm surprised you've told the family about the way you feel. You were bound to get criticized. But often it's the first child who's favoured, but as you say, this is a sibling for dc1 so that they're not all alone in the world.

I used to melt inside when I held my first DD, I felt totally different with the second. You can’t feel the same for both as they are different personalities. I had severe post natal depression with the first and was scared of having another, with the support of my GP, who even visited me at home after the second birth, I have never regretted having her.
I would suggest you talk to you GP or Health Visitor, talking to some one might help put some perspective into your thoughts.
Hugs

Thanks ladies your words mean so much

I felt like this with my second for a while. I totally felt I had ruined my life by having my 2nd child. my world was perfect with just dc1 she was my world then I had dc 2. I actually wanted someone to come and take dc 2 away so we could back to our old perfect little life with just dc 1. I feel guilty now for those thoughts thinking back but I realise I was suffering from horrendous post natal anxiety after dc2 was born which was the root of why I felt the way I did. Over time the feelings did pass as they will for you. infact almost 10 years on for me and I can actually say that dc 2 is my favourite child (a bit of a taboo thing to admit having a favourite I know)
6 months is only early days and things will definitely change for you too. do you think you could be suffering from pnd or pna like I was?
I can't remember when my feelings started to change towards having dc2 I think it just happens gradually without realising and for me my anxieties I was having over certain things eased. I didn't go on to have dc3 I'm happy with just 2.

@bigyellowTpot

I felt like this with my second for a while. I totally felt I had ruined my life by having my 2nd child. my world was perfect with just dc1 she was my world then I had dc 2. I actually wanted someone to come and take dc 2 away so we could back to our old perfect little life with just dc 1. I feel guilty now for those thoughts thinking back but I realise I was suffering from horrendous post natal anxiety after dc2 was born which was the root of why I felt the way I did. Over time the feelings did pass as they will for you. infact almost 10 years on for me and I can actually say that dc 2 is my favourite child (a bit of a taboo thing to admit having a favourite I know) 6 months is only early days and things will definitely change for you too. do you think you could be suffering from pnd or pna like I was? I can't remember when my feelings started to change towards having dc2 I think it just happens gradually without realising and for me my anxieties I was having over certain things eased. I didn't go on to have dc3 I'm happy with just 2.

Thanks hun

Yeah it's defo pnd but I'm not a medication person etc

I just want the feeling to pass everything's so different now and I fear raising 2 kids

I fear how I feel and all I want it to do is pass

I'm so sleep deprived it's a joke

Big yellow t.... could also be pna