I lack empathy

[hoomae]

I lack empathy and it is really starting to affect my relationship.

My partner has had family members pass away over the last few years and when it happens, I have absolutely no idea how to react. I don't feel sad and I don't know what to say and I feel like o need to pretend to be empathetic but I don't know how. It is really obvious that I don't feel anything and I have no idea how to support him.

I don't always lack empathy but am particularly bad with my partner. I feel empathy when I understand a situation or have been through it myself.

How does anyone manage to resolve this?? I don't suppose a person can change? I would love to be able to support my partner and understand how he is feeling etc but it just seems so alien.

I totally understand as I feel exactly the same and like you only understand if its something I've been through myself. No advice but I'm not sure that you can change, the natural human responses just aren't forthcoming and acting the part feels very transparent. Practical help I can do but emotionally I really have no clue?

I feel like the best place to start and to begin to understand how someone is feeling if you've no experience or advice is to just listen to them explain how they're feeling. For example people grieve in different ways so even if you had been through similar it doesn't mean you'd know how he felt, if that makes sense.