And I just want it to go away!
Almost 2 years ago my husband walked out on me during my second pregnancy (which was very much planned!!!). I didn't see this coming, he blamed it all on me... he even did it over text!!anyway, that was that, but what followed was months of emotional abuse. He repeatedly threatened to take children off me, tried to intimidate me into stopping breast feeding, gas lit me... constantly. The things he put me through....
There was one defining moment though when we were having an argument over something or other and he told me he was going to take the children off me 3 nights a week and take me to court (youngest was only a couple months old). He told me I was selfish to breast feed and he was more important. He accused me of not feeding the baby before I sent him so he would be grumpy with him. He told me "you might have given birth to him but I put him there".
Fast forward 1.5 years and we seem to be steady. We don't have a court order set up but childcare and maintenance has been in place for some time.
The issue is that I just cannot STOP worrying about him threatening to take them away from me. The youngest doesn't sleep at his as he's still BF and he only sees him a few hours a week and I can't stop worrying about him forcing me to have him sleep over before he's ready. I can't stop worrying in the future the threats will start again and I'll be powerless. Every time a little something or a tiff happens I go back to that night, the worst night of my life, when he threatened to take them.
Is this ptsd?
I have had CBT therapy and I'm referring myself back to minds matters for counciling (as per their suggestion).
I just want a way out of this, it's controlling me.
I know my youngest will begin sleeping there, that's something I'll have to deal with. But I can't shake feeling the emotions that I felt that night. They come back to vividly when I feel insecure.