Prescribed citalopram for PND…scared :(

[Hanflower311]

Hi everyone. I am a newbie here and hoping for some opinions and advice. My dd is 14 weeks old and I am a first time mum. The pregnancy was very much wanted although I found it quite tough and also had a traumatic birth. My baby struggled with feeding and I struggled with breastfeeding her. We had to switch her to prescription formula quite early for cows milk protein allergy. I’m not sure any of that is relevant but it might be. Anyway, I’ve found motherhood certainly harder than I expected and it’s just gotten harder rather than easier. At first I struggled to bond with her but this has improved. I have however been diagnosed with PND, I am extremely irritable and describe it as having a very low resilience to change or the unexpected. For example, baby cries, I cry. Baby won’t sleep, I cry. I get super frustrated and overwhelmed. I have no self esteem and very little self confidence. The doctor has prescribed me citalopram but I am scared to take them. They have been sitting on the counter for 5 days. When I feel good, I tell myself I don’t need them. Then I spiral and decide I will start them tonight, but then it passes and I don’t. Endless cycle. I suppose I just want some reassurance or other peoples experience with these pills and whether they help. I have never been on any regular medication before. I am scared of my thoughts and feelings not being ‘my own’ although my own are quite rubbish a lot of the time at the moment!!! I just want to feel better and enjoy new motherhood more and not feel such a burden to those around me. Any replies appreciated. Thank you x

I could have literally wrote that myself OP. Had a very similar start to yours with my dd. I tried to ignore the pnd but finally when she was 18 months I decided to start on citalopram (20mg) and honestly within a few weeks I felt back to my old self again, I really wish I had started it earlier! I was scared of taking them too but thought it was worth the risk after feeling depressed for over a year. It was honestly the best decision I ever made. I was on them for 9 months until I got pregnant and I got off them quite quickly (within 10 days) and the side effects weren't enjoyable but I don't feel I need them anymore. I have however already decided if I think I am depressed once this baby comes the first thing I will do is go back on them.

I always take medication in the evening so that if there are any unwelcome effects they will be milder by morning.
I've never taken citalopram but a similar medication helped me greatly after my husband died.
You will feel better, it will take about 6 weeks normally, but just knowing things will be better soon should bring relief. Best wishes.

Thank you everybody for your replies. I only expected one or two at best! Your replies have been really helpful and I appreciate your kindness in sharing your stories and reassuring me. Thank you all xxx