Menopause or mental health or both.

[whatth]

Hi all. M hoping to get some guidance about how I'm feeling at the moment. I'm mid 50s, working and live with DO and adult DC.

I feel so horrendous all the time. I'm only ever a second away from crying all day. I just want to come home from work and go to bed. My relationship isn't very happy and my DP won't go out anywhere with me. DC is going to Uni later this year and I can't bear the thought of it. My dad is awaiting a diagnosis that isn't looking great and my work is massively stressful. I'm failing at work as I can't hold thoughts in my head and Im too slow according to my boss. I'm on the verge of panic all day and feel sick.

I just want to run away from it all. We don't have a big income between us and I feel like I've failed all my life. I have just read a thread about what savings people have and now I'm beating myself up.

I have a history of depression but I'm slipping again. Already on ADs. I'm thinking this could be menopause related too.

I'm sick of being in my head all the time and just want some rest from these constant thoughts.

Has anyone else felt like this at my kind of age? My friends don't even know how bad I feel and I can't be honest for some reason. I keep thinking I would be happier if DP and I split up as we don't seem compatible and I'm looking at a life of doing everything on my own soon.

I know this is a self pity fest but just trying to explain. Many thanks.

You feel like crying all the time, your work is stressful, you’re dreading your child going to Uni, you feel like a failure and you’re thinking life would be better if you and your partner split up…phew, there’s such a lot going on and I am guessing each one of those things need to be explored in more depth…?

What would you like, or need, to focus on first in order to make a change and how can this be achieved? Sending 💐

Hi Crisps. Thanks for your reply. My work is the most pressing issue at the moment. I've been in my current job for 12 years but have recently changed roles. I'm in a heightened state of anxiety all day long which makes me unable to think properly. Now I feel I can't manage a new job because my brain is scrambled.

I feel terrible today. However I am looking at my finances and trying to get some plan together.

Get HRT before you make any decisions, it can be life changing.

And then tackle things one at a time. And stop comparing yourself to mumsnet savers!

Re the job, go to your boss, ask for help

And your child won’t go until September so put that worry on hold if you can

And your dad, you can’t influence that so try to put that worrying on hold until you know more. I know that’s easier said than done tho

My friend got misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety during what turned out t be her peri menopause and menopause.
It’s entirely possible that you’re not clinically unwell at all but hormonally imbalanced. Please look up some menopause sites and see your GP once informed.

Thank you Cruella and Lonely. I stopped having periods 6 months ago and things have got worse since then. So could be menopause. Is this a common symptom, just crying most of the time? I do need to take some action at work. My DC us also autistic which is another reason why her going to Uni is a big deal. Thanks for the advice on looking at menopause sites.

Today has been so bad and I just keep thinking how much I've messed my life up. It's not been an easy life and I feel I can't catch a break. Also I know I am lucky in so many ways which of course makes me feel more guilty.

Anxiety and crying are symptoms, yes. Please see your GP, you sound menopausal. Goodluck. 💐

www.balance-menopause.com/

Trigger warning- mentions suicide

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6299176/

I absolutely understand. I felt very similar. I had some time off work and ended up working for myself. The statistics for women unable to work full time during menopause are astonishing. I remember a lot of crying in meeting rooms. The good news is that lots of employers and HR are developing policies around menopause. So check If your organisation has anything and talk to your boss if you can. The good news is I did get through it and started to feel like myself again. It was definitely hormones for me although I didn’t take HRT or anti depressants but I do wonder looking back if they’d have helped.

If your brain is scrambled and you’re in a heightened state of anxiety, this really cannot be sustained, you will burn yourself out I think…? Definitely make a change at work : as previously mentioned, talk to your boss/reduce your hours/take some time out. Is the job worth it? Can you move back to something less stressful? What options are there? If you are working out your finances, I am guessing you are considering other possibilities?

The menopause is tough (I am slightly older than you) … when you say you have messed your life up, what do you mean? You have, what sounds like, a good job and have brought up an autistic child which must be congratulated…in fact she is heading for Uni which speaks volumes of how great your parenting has been ❤️

I'm so grateful for all your replies and guidance. I need to keep working and earning at least the same as I'm on now. I can't take a drop. By life messed up I mean that I have been through two divorces and some things happened to me when I was a child. Serious PND too.

Kabloom, what kind of work did you do when you started working for yourself? I'm going to call the GP to see if I can get some HRT.

I also need to take some action at work but I feel so stuck with what is the best thing to do.

Menopause can exacerbate pre-existing mental health conditions, especially if those mental health conditions are in fact linked to your menstrual cycle, such as PMDD, which is often misdiagnosed as mental illness.
Try the HRT. You may feel better than you have done for years. Be careful of the progesterone element - if the tablets make you feel unwell, the Mirena might be a better option.

I see you had PND as well. That’s a reliable predictor for a difficult menopause.

Absolutely you need treatment for menopause. Depression and anxiety are often a huge sympton of meno that can be helped loads with the right HRT regime. Tell your doctor about your synptoms and tell them you would like to trial HRT before you have a breakdown.
This is treatable x

Menopause can be tough, also it happens at a time of life when we are coping with all kinds of life challenges: kids becoming adults, parents ageing, asking ourselves what our purpose in life may be and what we’ve done about it so far. What gives you some enjoyment and respite? Doesn’t matter what it is: singing, running, stamp collecting...,it needs to be something that matters to you as a person, not as a partner, daughter or parent. Find it and keep at it. Menopause/mid life can leave us feeling rudderless and as if we have lost who we are. Go and get medical advice regarding HRT. Some talking therapy may help, too, it did for me. There was unexpected grief in accepting I’d never have another period - it’s a big deal to lose something that’s been such an integral part of adult female life. But there is life beyond! I’m a bit further down the road than you are and it does level off after the hilly bits.

Thank you. I didn't know there was a link between PND and menopause. Good news is I already have a mirena in. I will get an appointment as soon as possible. My brain fog is horrendous and that, coupled with being under constant scrutiny at work, is a toxic combination. The more I worry about my performance and the more I'm being watched, the less able I am to do my job. Im not being watched in a way that is going anywhere. Just micro managing. It's horrible.

Great the you’d only need the oestrogen part of the HRT. Download the NICE guidelines, do some reading and see the GP. (At my surgery it’s now a terrific practice nurse who can prescribe, but you might need to see the GP initially.). Fingers crossed!

I can’t help thinking is there any parts of your job where you can acknowledge you are doing well, really showing your strengths? Although it’s great to accept that we can suffer brain fog through menopause, it’s also beneficial to get to the route cause of some of those thoughts and feelings which bring us to a place of being totally overwhelmed. What can you put to one side which can’t be touched by anyone micro managing/watching you? What do you do well?

Sorry only just catching up. I work in HR so did the same as a consultant. I just concentrate on earning enough although it’s much less than I thought I could manage on. It brings its own stress but as everyone has found this year the juggling becomes much easier if you can be at home and organise your own time.

Also found I felt sharper early in the morning and would do work then. But the brain fog is so frustrating. Particularly with a new job or manager who hasn’t seen you at your best.