I’m a mixture of worried, guilty depressed and don’t know what else. I feel like there is a weight on my chest and suicidal thoughts at the moment, just thoughts but it is horrible to have.
Next is a bit long.
I have tell irl as don’t want to burden or make them feel they have to comfort me or pretend that I did nothing wrong.
My situation at work is not good and we are likely to be made redundant. Our company did not get part of tender for a new contract with the government.
I think this is partly (feels like all) my fault as I got a lowest score on an audit. That month we did not pass and were reviewed so probably reason we weren’t given part of the contract. I know it wasn’t just my score as all added together for the period but it feels that way. The manager will know that and the other scores, otherwise we only know our own.
The new contract is smaller so we are likely to be made redundant.
Beginning to feel real as one of our team is going to leave a big early. Also getting work that will be done after the new contract starts.