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How to broach mental health with dad

1 reply

Needaholidayplease · 06/01/2022 09:02

My dad is struggling. He's in his 60s, self employed (has a small business with my mum) and is obsessed with money (or his perceived lack of)

He has no need to be, he and my mum are comfortably off and definitely able to retire, but he has these awful black periods where he spirals into thinking they can't afford to retire. He grew up poor so I think the fear stems from that, but it's not rational. As someone who's had anxiety and depression in the past, I can recognise these traits in him.

It's making my mum miserable. She has to deal with his catastrophising, and black moods. He swings from planning big holidays to declaring that they are too poor to switch the heating on. They are quite isolated as they recently moved to be closer to family, so don't have many friends, although they do see a lot of family which seems to bring them happiness.

Basically, I think my dad has had anxiety and depression to some extent for a while. He would never admit it though, and thinks that all his 'problems' would be solved by winning the lottery.

I want to help him (not least because I feel bad for my mum, she just wants to enjoy life- also she is the one mainly across the finances, so it's not like she's in the dark).

But also because I recognise a lot of myself in him, and I feel so much happier after treatment.
I know you can't force a horse to drink etc and that no one will go to therapy if they don't want to. How do I broach this with him? In his mind, truly, he believes his worries are facts and doesn't see that they're affecting both their lives. I just want them to be able to enjoy retirement and life in general. Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:
Sarahlou63 · 06/01/2022 12:20

Can you talk with him about your own treatment and how it's improved your outlook on life? When he says something that's obviously not true but is making him unhappy you could say something along the lines of "That's interesting. I used to have exactly the same thoughts as you but as a result of my chats with X therapist I realised they are unhelpful and just put me in a bad place." You'll need to be subtle but if you do it right he might come round to the idea of chatting to a professional.

You could also leave this guide or something similar lying around...

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