Being signed off work with PTSD

[Bluegem01]

So the past nearly two years have been awful and very stressful. I fell pregnant whilst my dad was dying of cancer. I was the one who organised all appointments, took him to them and it was so upsetting. My dad died a few weeks before I was due to have my baby. I feel like it’s all getting on top of me now and only just getting to me. My baby means the world and it doesn’t affect me being a mum but I am struggling where I am finding it hard coming to terms losing my dad.
I am due to return to work in a few months and I think I may need to be signed off with the stress of it all. Just not sure how it will all work and what I should do. I need to let them know what I am going two months before going back.

Is there anyone with any advice or who works in HR who could help?

So sorry about your dad. I am not in HR but first things first here - you need to speak to your gp asap about how you are feeling and go from there.

I agree. It sounds like you would benefit from counselling to help process it all. So sorry for your loss

I definitely will be going to the doctors as I think counselling would be beneficial but just wondered what to do about work?

I'm so sorry for your loss. A new baby and losing a parent are both monumental life events and dealing with them both at the same time must be incredibly tough.

I don't think HR will be able to do much at the moment as signing you off based on how you might feel in a couple of months isn't concrete enough. I agree the first thing to do is to go to your GP and see what they say in terms of getting some support and also the practicality of going back to work.

Hopefully someone with proper HR understanding can advise soon too.

You need to take things slowly OP. First step is to go and see the GP and tell them how you are feeling and ask to be referred for counselling.

In terms of work /HR - do you work for a big company? What are their policies on sick leave ? And are you returning to work after maternity leave ? Did your father die during your maternity leave?

I do work for a big company and do plan to return to work after maternity leave but just feel like I am not going to cope well so will need to speak to the GP. My father died just before I went on maternity leave.

Have you thought about asking for reduced hours on your return?

The first step is to see your GP and access grief counselling. You might well be quicker to contact a charity for this, Cruse or Macmillan or your local hospice can guide you on what is available.

You're still a long time before returning to work. Tell work when you're planning to go back, but also let them know that you're struggling with your mental health and you'll keep them updated. You can't get signed off two months in advance, and by that point you might feel ready for some work (reduced hours might be helpful).

Take it step by step, but first thing is getting some support to work through how you're feeling.

Many large companies have counselling services as part of their benefits package. It might be worth asking your HR department if there is something similar at your work?

(Ignore FFS, it's not at all unusual to develop PTSD after caring for a loved one through the end stages of their life.)

I'm sorry for your loss OP. While FFSFFSFFS comes across as harsh (I suspect you hit a nerve), I agree with them to a point.

Of course it was traumatic and stressful for you but with a small t and a small s. We all go through loss * - it doesn't generally warrant that label.

Rather you are grieving and have yet to process it. The birth of your baby will have put your grief on the back burner and now your loss has come to the fore and you're concerned it will engulf you when you return to work. Don't try and second guess yourself. It doesn't have to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. It might be that being back at work will actually help. By all means go for some grief counselling. You say you work for a big company - do they have an employee assistance programne which offers this?

(* I have lost both parents, a baby and a sibling so I know a bit about loss.)

Good luck OP and enjoy your baby

@FanSpamTastic

Many large companies have counselling services as part of their benefits package. It might be worth asking your HR department if there is something similar at your work?

I was going to suggest this too - it was called Colleague Support where I worked and you could self-refer. I had to have an initial ‘consultation’ over the phone so they could assess me and identify the most suitable person in my area to see, but I had my first ‘proper’ session within a week. I eventually got to the top of the NHS list six months later, by which point I was much much better.

But the first thing to do is talk to your GP first. They are your best starting point. Best of luck, it’s such an awful headspace to be in, but with help we get better.

Sadly losing a parent is something most of us will experience. It must have been awful for you but I wouldn't be so quick to assume you have PTSD. Also if you aren't due to go back to work for months maybe give yourself a chance rather than planning to get signed off? You may be stronger than you think.

Probably best not to self diagnose something as complex as PTSD.

As you say, you have a few months to decide so talk to your doctor before you do anything.