To ask for your help with finding a reason to be alive?

[soalonewithlife]

I can't do it anymore. I just can't. I'm so alone and I can't take it. Please will anyone talk to me for a while. I've never felt so low.

Just read your last post. Sometimes people are shit. That’s on them, not you. Your future holds more than you can imagine right now xx

You are NOT a horrible person at all. Mental health problems are real and you can't control how you feel right now. Postnatal depression can be debilitating for people, don't underestimate the impact it is having on your mind and you life. You are a Mum doing her best just like us all. I can understand you feeling overwhelmed and isolated if your family are not very supportive and your partner is working alot. Many people don't have friends, you may make some lovely ones as your baby grows and you can attend baby groups. The postnatal depression, a pandemic and a young baby are such a lot for anyone to cope with. Glad to hear your partner is being supportive but you should never feel like you are burdening him, i'm sure he would want you to be honest and open with him. Please call samaritans and have a talk to someone who is trained to help people who are feeling like you are. You are amazing, you are strong, you are enough! Never forget that 💕

You are not a horrible person for feeling or thinking like you are.

Just a "normal" person that is currently very much struggling.

It is painful when you discover family and friends aren't supportive.

You are worth fighting for, you can have a bad day or week but it doesn't change the truth that you are worth it.

You deserve to live in this life @soalonewithlife and your baby needs you to live in this life.
This time of year is so hard, the expectations we put on ourselves are way too much, you are looking after a baby by yourself that is so so exhausting but you’ve done it - 8 months with PND You’re incredible!

Hi OP, this time of year is really hard, and PND must make things so much harder. I felt really, really low this morning too. It’s ok and normal to feel low sometimes and you just have to find a way to get through a few minutes or hours until you feel better again. Your baby needs you, you have so much to look forward to and enjoy. You won’t feel like this forever. This will pass OP!

Things are forever changing, nothing but death is permanent.
Please call someone in RL.

I’m so sorry you feel like this. As PP have said, this will pass.

Re the person who said horrible things. A friend had really good advice for me once: think about whether this will still matter to you in 10 years. If not, it’s not worth worrying about. Hard to remember in the moment, but very true.

Their unkindness is no reflection on you.

Having a baby can be incredibly lonely and difficult. But it gets easier. Your DC and OH need you, you’re the most precious thing in the world to your baby. Hang in there and take care of yourself

Your baby needs you more than anyone or anything else. I know you're in incredible pain but please hang on for your child. Imagine your baby growing, getting bigger, starting to walk and talk... There is so much ahead, so many experiences that your child will need you by their side for, to support and guide them, to love them like no one else can. You don't want to miss out on that either, I'm sure.

I'm sending you a big hug. You can do this ❤️

You matter. You are absolutely irreplaceable. You are your baby’s whole world. Is this your first baby? Sometimes our own childhood difficulties can come back to us when we become parents and it can be painful.

What’s around you that’s soothing? Can be food you like, something that smells nice (like lavender oil or vanilla extract or coffee), or sounds such as your favourite music/sea sounds. These things all help a little.

Thank you everyone.
My partner is home now. He is being supportive. My baby is trying her best to crawl and is making me smile. I'm trying to just take on step at a time.

Having a baby can be so lonely, especially when it's your first. Once they start talking they start giving a bit more back to you and it's not so lonely anymore. Are you going back to work at all?

@soalonewithlife

Thank you everyone. My partner is home now. He is being supportive. My baby is trying her best to crawl and is making me smile. I'm trying to just take on step at a time.

I'm so glad to hear that you have your partner home, and being supportive.

Hold on to your smile about their crawling and remember it when times are bad.

You have created and carried a whole new amazing child who is now becoming their own person. For that alone you are brilliant.

Being a parent is bloody hard work, but given the choice I'd do it again.

Do you have HomeStart in your area, OP? Your health visitor can signpost or refer you if so. They’re designed to offer support to young families, just like you. You deserve it.

Because the pain you feel now will be multiplied by a thousand for each of your friends and family members if you do succeed.

A relative of mine took their life. His wife is destroyed.

I get how horrific you feel, I really do - I've been there. But please stay.

sorry to hear you were feeling so low today OP - it is overwhelming having a baby. You are not alone - lots and lots of people feel crap at this time of year on top of that - so many expectations and images of "happy families"- I have been there and I know what it is like. I didn't have a supportive family - mine lived far away and I had my baby later in life so they were in a different phase completely to me. Hope you can take some time to have a nice warm bath/shower/watch a funny film (or tik tok!?) now your partner is back - just anything to give your mind a rest for a bit. You are definitely NOT a failure. You are amazing, totally unique, a mummy with feelings that we all have had or are having!xxx

So many women go through this after having a baby. Pnd affects 1 in 10 mums. 1 in 5 in the whole of the country are on anti depressants right now. You are not alone.

Don't think too far ahead.

I read once that happiness isn't something you are bit something you do. I found this life changing.

Go for walks.
Connect with people.
Read
Do writing/ art/ dance as self therapy.
Be in nature as much as possible.
Allow yourself some leisure. Give the baby to dp and go to a cafe for a couple of hours.
Do yoga.
Eat veg.
Take naps.

Things are always better than you think.

Hi OP, I too had a child in the pandemic and about to have another one.

Giving birth in the pandemic has been extremely hard and a very lonely experience.

Maybe you can go out with baby for a walk tomorrow, I always found that going for a walk helps a lot.

Always here to talk xx

@soalonewithlife Hang in there.

My advice is that it gets better if you give it time. It really does.

1. Cut out all toxic people
2. In the new year, find your nearest Sure Start children's centre (hopefully still open in your area) and attend a stay and play session.

So you have PND - has there been any instances previously when you have been assessed for or treated for depression?

Are there any local mum and baby sessions you can go along to? Is there anyone who can take the baby for an hour or so so that you and your OH can go out for a nice walk or cup of coffee?

Why makes you feel happy or at least happier?

OP you are loved and your life is worth living, although I know it may not feel like that right now. Please keep going, I promise it will get better. ❤️

@soalonewithlife just checking in.
I hope you're feeling better.

OP I've only just seen this thread but I am rooting for you. Pnd is vicious, but treatments are world class. I never thought happiness was possible for me, but with the right treatment, time and support, it really was and is. Fight with every ounce of strength you have to get the treatment you need. And please contact homestart for practical support. Sending lots of love and hope.