I'm not coping

[Inkdrinker]

My mental health has plummeted once again 🙃

For the most part, I think it's because I'm unhappy with my life but I have zero idea what I can do to fix it. I have a partner who for the most part is the most amazing human in the world. I have 3 kids, 1 with clubfoot and ASD. They are all in full time school now, thank the Lord but other than that we don't have any time off from them very often.

I'm tired of waking up, listening to the kids cry and whine and argue, making lunch, just doing the everyday life that I choose.

I'm tired. I'm feeling so done. I just feel crap and can't really explain why.

What do you do for just you?

I read or game in the evenings x

Have you thought about an online reading club? It’s good to connect with people outside of your family.

I need a bath/shower but haven't got the energy to clean the bath and then fill it. House is a tip but again, energy.
Kids all need a bath.

Partner is in a foul mood probably fed up of doing everything whilst I do nothing. I want out of this. I want to spend everyday in bed. I can't do this.

@KittenKong

Have you thought about an online reading club? It’s good to connect with people outside of your family.

I'm in an online book club but struggling with communication as I feel so low xx

So energy - that won’t really change unless to start to eat, sleep and exercise well. It’s hard to get the motivation but once you get going… are you able to get out for a 20 min run/trot every other day? Pop on some music or a audiobook and just escape for a short time to recharge the batteries.

Also being very organised helps - plan meals, batch cookies, get everything in a family calendar and run your home like the Von Traps.

Start with small steps. When life is overwhelming, break down your responsibilities into smaller ones. Write them down and tick each one off when you’ve done it. You’ll feel a sense of achievement which will help motivate you. You must talk to your partner and get his help and support for you to climb out of the mire-not in a ‘you’ve got to do everything way’ but as a ‘I’m feeling overwhelmed and in a place I don’t want to be and can we work something out to help me’. If you think you have depression, please see someone and get the help you need in order to feel in charge of your life again. It’s so hard at the moment, OP-you have a lot on your plate with 3 children and special needs. Best wishes.

I'm diagnosed with autism, gad and depression. I'm medicated but I don't feel like it works. I've tried a hundred different meds and I'm tired of feeling like a guinea pig, it's not like I didn't try them. I've had citalopram, sertraline, duloxetine, venlafaxine, something beginning with an M which I have completely forgotten about. I'm currently on fluoxetine and pregablin.

I suffer badly with my back and walking is incredibly difficult for me. I need to lose a lot of weight and I think that would eventually help my back pain a bit but I have a problem with a slipped disc.

I don't feel like I'm ever going to be better or give my children the life they deserve. I want to do so much for them but it's so hard.

I wish I had some help with the kids so we could have a break but that seems impossible and too much of an ask

I’ve no real advice, I would suggest going back to the G.P and telling them what you’ve typed here.

I'll ring Monday but they're never bothered. They ask me what I expect from them and I don't even know how to answer that question. I don't know anymore. I feel like there is only one way for me to feel at peace but then I love my family too much for that.

If your GP isn’t helping, and you sound pretty unwell, can I suggest either a different GP or asking GP for a referral to mental health team?

Hi @Inkdrinker, just read your last post. I’m sorry you are feeling like that but glad family anchors you. Mine help me not go down that path either. Don’t forget the Samaritans are always there if you need to talk. Daily life with so many challenges is not easy though. Can you try to take small steps to help you feel better and more resilient? A psychologist told me once how hydration is really important for wellbeing and I really notice that it affects my mood for example. Could your GP refer you for counselling? Sending big hugs or whatever helps if you’re not a huggy person

I'm so tired of this. Depression has robbed me of everything. Absolutely fucking everything. I used to be a functioning working and healthy person and now I find it hard to get out the front door.

I never used to need so much help but today I've sat sobbing texting my sister, begging for a hand with the kids but no reply. I know she doesn't have to have my children. I know they're my responsibility but why won't anybody help.

I gave my partner a lie in today, in hope that his mood would improve but he's woken up and is just as moody as yesterday and he's feeling super low.

The kids aren't listening to us. My 4 year old is having diarrhea, my whole house stinks of shit now and it looks like a bomb has gone off.

I'll ring the gp tomorrow but I'm already under the MH services and since covid I've had every single appointment cancelled 🙃 yay to Covid I guess.

I've asked for trauma therapy and was told I was put on the list but that the waiting list is very long.

So yeah, life sucks. I know I'm only seeing the negatives and acting like life is all doom and gloom but fuck, I am fed up of living like this. I'm just fed up of living.

I'm not going to act on any of my feelings, I know that's not an option. I just wish it wasn't this hard. I wish I could be better

It will get better @Inkdrinker. I know it doesn’t feel like it but it does. Life with small children is relentless. You will get back to feeling more like your old self at least in part. I cry in despair nearly every time I find myself cleaning sh*t off clothes after DS2 has pooed himself yet again but it balances out with the better stuff over time

Try and take things bit by bit, hour by hour

Oh OP here’s a handhold and some .
I’m sorry you are feeling so down and I can totally empathise with you as I feel very much the same at the moment.
My DC are now young adults and we’ve had a really tough few years as a family - the last two in particular, because of Covid have been awful.
We’ve experienced the deaths of several close family members, as well as having our own physical and mental health problems.
I feel as though all the effort and striving over the last 20+ years to try and bring up my DC happy and healthy have been for nothing as they are now neither happy nor healthy and I blame myself for a lot of that. I keep asking myself - how did I get it so wrong? Maybe due to my severe anxiety and control issues I’ve actually done them more harm than good.
My mental health has never been as bad as it is right now. Like you I often feel that there is only one way to be free of these relentless and exhausting feelings. I also regularly think they’d be better off without me.
I am trying to address this by taking ADs, seeing a counsellor, and my DH is amazingly supportive which I’m so grateful for. It’s still really tough though.
We just have to believe that our families really do value us and need us around. The alternative, for them, would be far far worse.
All we can do is put one foot in front of the other and stay hopeful that things will get better. 🤞🏻

@Inkdrinker just wondered how you are doing