Sorry, posted this a second ago but forgot title. need advice- everything's come to a head

[Mumblesmummy]

I just need a bit of a whinge really coz I'm crying so I need to just get it out.

A long list of things have just made everything seem shit.

I'm 5 months pregnant which I'm REALLY happy about and so is DP. We're moving house today, but as usual I'm stuck at work (which I REALLY hate REALLY REALLY REALLY hate). DPs painting the new house but he's run out of paint and so has to buy more when we're already VERY low on money.

I said we can't unless we cancel the removal van and move the stuff out of storage ourselves, so we rowed on the phone for a bit which I got upset about and in the end he cancelled it.

I'm struggling with both my jobs and my college course as they just seem to take up every second I've got and I don't even like doing them.

My sister has had IVF and she's having twins but she's truly made it so that her pregnancy is the most important in history ever because of the IVF and the fact it twins. She acts like mine is not even happening even tho I always chat about hers. It's getting me down. On top of that, and the fact she cut me out of her life for 3 months when I first got pregnant, and had continued to ruin it since, she has totally nicked my mum. She's REALLY demanding, and spends all day sitting at home getting my mum to run around for her. She has a car but she won't drive because she's ten weeks pregnant so she acts like she's made of porceline. She lives a good few miles away but if she needed anything like to go to the hairdressers or anything at all, she gets my mum to go and get her and take her. She needed bran flakes last week (she has a shop at the end of her street) but she made my mum drive miles up to her house and take her branflakes whilst her and her DH just sat there. This goes on all day every day so I hardly see mum anymore because she's tied to my sister.

There's millions more things like this and it's gotten stupid, such as she invites the whole family up to hers all the time but doesn't invite me or my DP even tho we've been living with my family for a few weeks whilst sorting out moving house. Her DH is ridiculous, he takes the piss all the time and the whole family ends up having to do what he says. It's causing loads of problems for everyone.

So now me and DP are starting to really resent them even tho we've tried our best to get over it and we've tried to get involved with them and her pregnancy and be nice and optimistic. It keeps getting pushed in our faces and they keep taking the piss so we can't move on. So now DP is starting to really hate them because they're always leaving me in a state and it's just making things even harder, and it's giving me a really bad pregnancy because when i get stressed I bleed or get bad pains.

The worst thing of all is that it's now causing me and DP to argue even tho we're still at the point where we love each other so much it hurts and we're very together and everything.

DPS just phoned to apologise for arguing before but he said that the reason i was stressing out so much is because I'd just been getting an ear full from my sister and so i was ratty and nasty with him... it's true.

I'm just so fed up of it and it's going to ruin xmas at this rate, especially as they're so selfish.

I don't want to be arguing with Dp at all but it just happens because I'm so stressed and frustrated because of all this and I don't know how to make it better.

Plus my hormones are everywhere as you can imagine.

Does anyone have any advice or anything?

Can you just remove yourself from your sister's orbit for a while (maybe not easy at Xmas). FWIW, pg hormones do seem to have the effect of making you think you are the centre of the unvierse, and I would imagine the added stuff about ivf and twins has made it worse. I think you have to accept that she is not going to support you in your pg. But you do need to chat to your mum about feeling left out. Concentrate on your DH ad your lovely new house

Enjoy your pregnancy, your new house and most importnantly talk not moan to your mum. Keep away from your sister and maybe one day she will realise she is not the only pregnant woman on this earth.

Your sister sounds like a real primadonna! I have a friend with a sister just like yours, and the only way she has been able to cope is by cutting her and her mother out, or if not totally then at least starting to separate herself from their games. It is hard, as we are all hardwired to play the same role in a family which we always have, but you have your own family now and if your sis/mum are behaving badly they can pxxx off! My DH gets pissed off too when I take out on him all the angst caused by needy or egomainac friends. I stopped taking their calls in the end as why should I give away all my energy.

Your mum getting the bran flakes is just crazy, but she's an adult and I guess it's her choice. I think it's right that you have a word with her about you feeling left out though.

If you can cut yourself off from your sister even more, I don't think you'll lose much. My god, has she got a shock coming with twins - they won't run out and buy bran flakes for her, she herself will be the servant/chef/valet then!!

I do feel for you though - it is one of the most stressful things to move house, and you're at a job you hate, and you're 5 months preg, and you have a princessy sister taking up all the airtime in your family.

I would recommend a very nice night in with a takeaway and some good telly. A big hug to you!

EffiePerine- Thanks. I have talked to mum but she's fed up of hearing it and she's terrified of offending my sister even slightly. I even talked to my sister about it but she made a massive scene and then nothing changed, it just got worse. Mum was nice the other night because I didn't get angry, I just cried and so she made a huge effort and gave me lots of hugs, but it was back to usual the next day. As soon as my sister rings, the world stops. I think you're right about me having to focus on my new little family, and I'm so happy we can move into our own house and get our own space. Lets hope it's a new beginning

Mrsmaddyd- You're definately right about me talking and not moaning because I quite often find myself moaning about it and it just pushes my mum towards my sister even more. i guess I'll just have to move on and let them come to me when they're ready.

is your sister a middle child?????????

Thanks aquariusmum- some good telly would be wonderful!! i think I'll cosy up tonight and forget about everything. I keep saying she'll get a shock with twins too, but I suspect my mum will be doing most of the looking after as my sister is going back to work 6 weeks after they're born. Plus her DH is such a pain in the arse he's spent the full ten weeks pretending he's ill ALL the time, and getting all these sicknesses that you get when you're pregnant, like morning sickness and bloating and such likes. I'm definately going to back off and hide away when we get the new house so that I'm out of it and can get my head around my own new family

No, I'm the middle child you'd expect it was her tho the way she acts.

Is she a Leo?

errmm.. she was born in january. I don't know what star sign that is? I'm not up on my stars

Capricorn probably, sign of goat, very persistent, stubborn, ambitious and money-conscious. Motherhood will sort out her princessy ways!

You're in the nice bit of PG now as well - scans done, morning sickness over (hopefully) and not yet at heffelump stage. Don't let your sister spoil this time for you. What about making sure you do lots of nice things with your partner, like going to the cinema?

Poor you what a miserable time you're having.
I can quite imagine that your sister is driving you loopy.

I think the advice to try and remove yourself from the situation is a good one. It will be easier to do when you are not living at home and having to listen to her phone calls.

I can't stand people who are precious about themselves. Your sister sounds really shocking and I feel for you.
Hope your move goes well and that your new family home will be just the tonic x

Thanks Kitty that's lovely. Once the move is over, I'm sure everything will come together. It's just all a bit wobbly at the moment.

Aquarius-Very probable! I suspect mum will have the twins to look after tho because my sis will be back at work... probably another thing that will bother me as I'd like her to spend at least some time with mine without the others there 5 days a week, and probably weekend because they'll be 'tired'. urgh. i think I'll just have to see this as a long term thing now and get over it. It's all such a shame.

Effie-It's just the money situation holding us back . After xmas we're going to try to save so that once a month we can have like a 'date'. I'm so excited at the thought. It'll be lovely. The cinema thing is definately a good idea- I'm sure money will pick up soon (DP has a broken leg but will hopefully be able to find a job after xmas when it's fixed).