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[Mumblesmummy]

I just need a bit of a whinge really coz I'm crying so I need to just get it out.

A long list of things have just made everything seem shit.

I'm 5 months pregnant which I'm REALLY happy about and so is DP. We're moving house today, but as usual I'm stuck at work (which I REALLY hate REALLY REALLY REALLY hate). DPs painting the new house but he's run out of paint and so has to buy more when we're already VERY low on money.

I said we can't unless we cancel the removal van and move the stuff out of storage ourselves, so we rowed on the phone for a bit which I got upset about and in the end he cancelled it.

I'm struggling with both my jobs and my college course as they just seem to take up every second I've got and I don't even like doing them.

My sister has had IVF and she's having twins but she's truly made it so that her pregnancy is the most important in history ever because of the IVF and the fact it twins. She acts like mine is not even happening even tho I always chat about hers. It's getting me down. On top of that, and the fact she cut me out of her life for 3 months when I first got pregnant, and had continued to ruin it since, she has totally nicked my mum. She's REALLY demanding, and spends all day sitting at home getting my mum to run around for her. She has a car but she won't drive because she's ten weeks pregnant so she acts like she's made of porceline. She lives a good few miles away but if she needed anything like to go to the hairdressers or anything at all, she gets my mum to go and get her and take her. She needed bran flakes last week (she has a shop at the end of her street) but she made my mum drive miles up to her house and take her branflakes whilst her and her DH just sat there. This goes on all day every day so I hardly see mum anymore because she's tied to my sister.

There's millions more things like this and it's gotten stupid, such as she invites the whole family up to hers all the time but doesn't invite me or my DP even tho we've been living with my family for a few weeks whilst sorting out moving house. Her DH is ridiculous, he takes the piss all the time and the whole family ends up having to do what he says. It's causing loads of problems for everyone.

So now me and DP are starting to really resent them even tho we've tried our best to get over it and we've tried to get involved with them and her pregnancy and be nice and optimistic. It keeps getting pushed in our faces and they keep taking the piss so we can't move on. So now DP is starting to really hate them because they're always leaving me in a state and it's just making things even harder, and it's giving me a really bad pregnancy because when i get stressed I bleed or get bad pains.

The worst thing of all is that it's now causing me and DP to argue even tho we're still at the point where we love each other so much it hurts and we're very together and everything.

DPS just phoned to apologise for arguing before but he said that the reason i was stressing out so much is because I'd just been getting an ear full from my sister and so i was ratty and nasty with him... it's true.

I'm just so fed up of it and it's going to ruin xmas at this rate, especially as they're so selfish.

I don't want to be arguing with Dp at all but it just happens because I'm so stressed and frustrated because of all this and I don't know how to make it better.

Plus my hormones are everywhere as you can imagine.

Does anyone have any advice or anything?

Oh bless. What a crappy situation you're in.

If I were you simply concentrate on your relationship with your dp - nothing is more important than that. And certainly don't let the situation with your Mum and sister come between you and your dp and especially don't let it cause you problems with your pregnancy.

Just ignore your sister - let her call on your Mum - let your Mum run around after her - that is as much the fault of your sister for asking your Mum to do so much as it is your Mum for doing it, iyswim!

It must be hard for you - being skint is hard enough but to be 5mths pregnant and moving house - yes, it must be very stressful. Just think of number one in all this - YOU. Rise above it all. Enjoy your relationship with dp, enjoy and look forward to your new home and enjoy your precious moments with dp before your baby arrives and look after YOU. xxxxx

Thanks whispy, that's a lovely thing to say. I'm worried about mum because her dad's in hospital poorly, and still she's getting no slack . Plus if I say anything at all, everyone makes out that it's me that's the cow and that my sister is whiter than white.

It is such a big mess, but I think that's good advice. As soon as DP and I get into our new house on the 27th, I'll feel more out of the hideous whirlwind of my sister's pregnancy. Then we'll be able to focus on us and the baby which will be sooooooooo nice

have you told your mum how badly you feel? I'm sure she'd hate to think you were being made to feel neglected or second best let alone being driven to tears over it.

Perhaps your sister really is afraid to do anything for herself at moment but in a couple of weeks she'll be out of the first trimester. Maybe you could let your mum know you would like some more of her time and support after Christmas as you'll be in your last trimester when everything really does become physically more difficult.

Exactly Mumble. You have to concentrate on you, dp and your baby.

I can only speak from experience but I have had a pretty similar situation with my brother and my Mum. She is always on hand for him and will always go out of her way to help him. He's a married man but still insists on behaving like a little boy at times. She will hear no bad of him. I daren't criticise. In fact I don't even mention him in conversation with her. There's been many a time when I could've done with my Mums help (he has no kids by the way - I have two) and its not been forthcoming. Then I hear he's rung her and she's gone down to help him out - he lives 2hrs drive away.

If your Mum's Dad is ill in hosp your sister should have the sense and consideration to back off and get her own shopping - she's only 10weeks pregnant - yes, ok twins but honestly - life still goes on as normal especially so early into a pregnancy unless she's got medical reasons for not being able to drive etc?

Don't let all this get to you and certainly don't let your sister/Mum see how much this is upsetting you - it's not worth it and if anything there'll see you making a new home for yourself and dp and if they've got any compassion they'll be pleased for you and admire you for making such a great start in a new life for you, dp and your lovely baby when it arrives!

xxxxx

Beewisemen- I've told my mum lots of times but she says she doesn't want to talk about it and she acts like I'm a real cow for bringing it up. A few nights ago I didn't get mad when she told me something, I just cried so she was sympathetic then and she gave me lots of hugs and promised she's going to take me and DP to this really fancy restaurant in january, but the next day my sister just carried on and my mum carried on running around after her. I'm hoping my sister will chill out and start to do things for herself after the first trimester, but she seems to have gotten into such a habit of calling mum for any little thing, that I don't think it'll happen. She'd off work for the whle first trimester and she's had 4 scans including a booking in scan and still hasn't sorted herself out.

whispy- I'm sorry about your mum and brother, but I'm so glad someone can relate to the sillyness of some siblings in families. My sister can drive and everything, she's just taking the piss and being chauffered. I am upset that my sister hasn't left it alone now that grandads poorly, but I suspect she doesn't realise how unreasonable she's being and she just cried and went on about IVF when I tried to talk to her, and she said she'll never be the same with me again because I got caught so quick. i think I should stop showing them I'm upset as it just seems to make things worse. I'll be so much happier in my new home with DP. i can't wait.

So you're saying she resents the fact you fell pregnant naturally and so quickly too and she had to go the IVF route? Good grief. She really does need to grow up. Sorry - but that is just plain ridiculous. Loads of women fall quickly but loads of women also take years to get pregnant. Why does she say she'll never be the same with you again just because you fell so quickly? It makes it sound like she can't handle the fact she needed professional medical help to become pregnant and you didn't. It doesn't mean she's a failure!

As regards you and your Mum - you must try and keep a happy relationship with her - just YOU and HER. Your relationship with your Mum is unique to you. Don't let your sister disrupt that relationship.

Your Mum has enough on her hands as it is with her own Dad ill in hospital. By you looking after yourself and DP you are doing your bit by letting your Mum get on with her own problems. If your sister insists on bothering your Mum it is up to your Mum to deal with.

Your relationship with your DP is special - you have your new baby on the way - you are five months gone already - you are over half way - enjoy these last few precious weeks with your DP - make the most of it - get your new home ready for your new baby - because once your baby comes along that's your peace and quiet gone for the next few years! xxxx

I have managed to have 4 babies without any support from my mum or dhs family, the worst thing you can do is get upset about other family members ( I've been there, got the hat etc) . dh's parents sent a xmas card this year to him and family,(my children are 13,10,4 and 1) I think they cant even remember thir grandchildrens names . probably my fault for having too many children. Make the most of the next few months with your dp, enjoy every minute of being just the two of you, being pregnant is very special and i've regreted not having the time to appeciate that every time. Good luck and merry christmas to you.

Thanks whispy and puddle, i had a big cry last night because my brother said 'stop being bitter' to me (refering to the whole situation). I hadn't even said anything so I had a good cry and I feel a little better now.
DP has decided he doesn't think he wants to spend xmas with my family with the way things are, so he said if one more thing happens in the next couple of days, he's going to his family's for dinner. I won't go coz I feel bad to my mum, so xmas will be shite I think.
I'm trying to keep things good with mum at the moment as although she's not doing anything to stop all this nonsense, she's also having a really rough time and just wants to do right by people I think. However, I can't even bear to her about my sister and DH anymore so I'd say that boat has sailed.
Puddle-I will try to just enjoy it from now on. DP is angry that they've ruined it so far so i think it's about time we started enjoying ourselves. It's good that you managed with no help with 4 babies, so I must be able to do it with just one.

Thanks so much everyone, it's really helped me put everything into perspective.

Hiya Mumble.

Just remember this....this is your last Christmas of just you and your dp. Make the most of it. Enjoy his company and his company alone. He doesn't need the aggro that's being caused by your family.

If I were you I'd shut your door to everything on the outside world and enjoy a happy peaceful stress-free xmas with dp.

I can fully understand how you feel about your Mum and what she is going through. She is after your Mum too - as well as Mum to your brother and sister. She's old enough to look after herself and she'll be fine. The running around after your sister is as much your Mum's fault as it is your sister's. Your sister is selfish enough to ask/expect the help but your Mum is also too soft to comply.

Enjoy your Christmas. Enjoy your last Christmas with DP alone. Enjoy these next few months of pregnancy. Enjoy your new home. And enjoy your new start to your new life. Start afresh. Don't let your family put a downer on this exciting time for you. xxxxx

Mumble - how are you? x