I think I have BPD. I'm destroying myself

[PossiblyBPD]

I'm completely killing myself

I don't know what to do. I have a son and I'm pregnant again. I can't carry on like this

Destructive patterns, completely erratic behaviour, I know my relationship, life, mental health isn't good enough for another baby but obsessively tried to get pregnant again and now I am I'm terrified

I shouldn't be in my relationship

I shouldn't be a mum

I'm a fucking mess

Are you ok. What makes you think it's BPD? Talk your not alone .

I have BPD, diagnosed in my second (obsessively conceived) pregnancy.

Have you reached out for help from professionals? What is going on with you?

I got a diagnosis after splitting with my dc's dad, being arrested, really at rock bottom. I'm through the worst of it now, my daughter is 1 next month and I'm back at work and doing the single parent thing.

It can and will get better xx

I was 21 and met my partner who was significantly older and I should never of got involved but I did, despite never really feeling in love with him I pushed for us to move in, I pushed for us to get engaged

I cried my eyes out trying on wedding dresses because I didn't want to marry him but I still planned and paid for an extravagant wedding

I desperately tried to get pregnant, I completely obsessed over it and went almost insane in the process

Throughout all of this, over a period of years I had such low periods where I knew I didn't want any of this, there hasn't been a single day in the last 6 years I haven't been full of doubt and anxiety about it

I admit it all to my friends and family. I talk about it obsessively. I agonise over leaving. I cancel the wedding. I tell him and everyone it's done

I don't leave. I lie and tell everyone everything is perfect now. I obsess over becoming pregnant again. It takes over my every living thought until I'm pregnant again and now I'm sat here thinking what the fuck am I doing

Why do I keep doing things that I don't want to do. Why do I act so erratically

I'm damaging myself and my child. I'm a compulsive liar

I spend so erratically and am in a disgusting amount of debt. Over 30k, I'm not even 30 yet

I spend up to 10 hours a day on my phone despite the fact I have young kids who need me

The anxieties I have, with my relationship, my kids, my finances, my future. I obsessively google them for up to 10 hours a day. I read every post on every forum about every experience I fear. I completely fill myself with terror

I feel so broken and so damaged and so scared and now I'm pregnant again. All I wanted was to be pregnant again and now I'm pregnant all my other worries are back

I can't go on like this. I'm killing my self slowly. I just want there to be a diagnosis so things can change. I can't become stable. I'm trying and I can't I don't think I can do it on my own

Doesn't sound like BPD. Do you alternate thinking he is the bees knees and then thinking he is the worst of the worst? This sounds more like you're in a bad relationship and lack the self esteem to leave it.

@JulesRimetStillGleaming

Doesn't sound like BPD. Do you alternate thinking he is the bees knees and then thinking he is the worst of the worst? This sounds more like you're in a bad relationship and lack the self esteem to leave it.

She’s said very clearly that she doesn’t feel like that about him.

OP you need to discuss this with a GP - you could have BPD or you could need support of a different kind.

It sounds exhausting, do pursue some help, and try to be kind to yourself.

I was diagnosed with BPD earlier this year. Speak to your GP although be warned it can be quite hard to get accepted by the community mental health team, I had to go private to speak to someone.

Have a look at Kati Morton on YouTube she’s very helpful in talking through BPD and other mental health conditions.