hello everybody! hope your christmas day was wonderful and you all had a good day!
im just coming on here to chat with somebody. i just didnt or dont feel any joy? and i thought i'd be so happy christmas day but i didnt even want to open my presents? it was lovely seeing my babies open theirs.
but i somewhat feel guilty because i wasnt enjoying the day as much as i have since having the children little story back in September i found a lump in my armpit im 24 and i worried. my nan had breast cancer twice
ive always worried about my health even more since becoming a mum. i was taken away from my mum when i was a small girl. i grew up so sad wanting my mum but knowing i couldn't, and that made me so determined to be such an amazing mum
and never allow my children to go without me, and always wanting to be on top form for them. i felt a massive amount of pressure when i become a mum 1 not having one i looked up to and 2 not being like her
i was very close to my amazing nan. who passed away 2 years ago of cancer and i haven't been the same. but i got on with it. on my sons 6th birthday i had a panic attack i've had loads of these. but my whole life changed. anxious every single day. negative thinking.
anxious thoughts. couldn't sleep alone. felt scared all the time. didnt want my kids to be with anyone but me incase they was hurt or abused and i wasnt around to help i was so confused what was happening to me
so i phoned my gp & i was put on sertaline 50mg. it then got upped to 100mg and thats where i am now. ive been on sertaline 12 weeks now. i am still anxious but i know thats something i can and am working on.
4 years ago i had something similar to this minus going on the meds i was washing & burning my hands before i touched my kids. i was in a horrible circle where i was anxious convinced myself i was going to get genital warts? sounds stupid right. but i was so so scared i had them. but i had no reason to even think that!
im just so worried i wont get better? like what is normal life like now? i cant even remember and its only been 3-4 months?
i am having cbt as well as the meds but i just feel meh. like i have no excitement for anything. my amazing pure kind loving 4 children absolutely adore me and i do them they are my life but i feel like im failing them? and myself i feel so guilty every day because im just not the mum i was 5 months ago? 🙁 my poor babies. i cancelled my wedding to their dad as i had so much going on. i just feel so deflated.
and cant work out what's going on with me? im debating coming off and doing it naturally xx