Please help, just bought house and MH spiralling

[newhomenewworries]

Hi all,

Recently bought a property but it’s not all I expected. It’s cold, draughty and doesn’t feel like home. I cannot stop fixating on the fact I feel we overpaid, and have a terrible fear that we’ll never be able to sell it as it’s so Awful .

I’ve not slept in 2 days and keep having anxiety attacks. Meanwhile my friends are asking how my first Xmas in the new place has been- I’m too ashamed to tell them I’ve made the worst mistake of my life. This mistake could end up bankrupting us and I’m terrified. Any advice? I’m so low. Thank you for reading.

This is such an interesting thread, because I assumed I was the only one who felt this way. I absolutely hated our new house when we moved in, it's a modern open plan one and it felt so empty and depressing.

5 years on it is filled with more toys and chaos and we have made it our own. Don't worry the panic wears off though it did take probably the full first year before I felt truly comfortable here.

A pp makes an excellent point, if you’ve a mortgage you’ve not over paid, lenders don’t allow it and the property is valued for the lender, not you. And it was valued in its current condition

We live in an old listed building. When we bought it I fell in love immediately, it’s so unique with a huge garden, and I have to be honest, the previous owners had absolute beautiful furniture and rugs. When it was all removed I remember thinking maybe we had made a mistake, it was so so run down and they’d not touched it for 30 odd years. It also smelled really badly, musty.

We’ve done one big thing a year for eight years. Plus lots of smaller things, from floor boards sanding to new bathroom and kitchen, painting, landscaping, beams sandblasted etc. not stuff we planned when we bought it, but there is no doubt we have added value, but we did it for us to live in. We love it here and it bears little resemblance to what we purchased other than structurally.

You need to see a house as a blank canvas, live in it awhile. Then start making changes as you can afford, wish and have the time. If money is tight much can be done for relatively low cost. Painting rooms, rugs, cushions, throws, art, even curtains etc.

When we bought our first home in our early twenties, nearly thirty years ago, we did very little to it, no experience time or money. It didn’t even occur to us to buy a tin of paint. Or to shove new Lino down on the crappy kitchen floor.

Now several houses later, we know it’s all changeable and it’s not hard to do. And it doesn’t need to be done tomorrow, or even all at once.

We have moved a lot. Whether renting or buying our first focus is always getting the bedroom livable (this doesn't necessarily mean perfectly done). But furniture in right position, no unpacked moving boxes, no items that actually belong in a different room. Just a calm bedroom that can be an escape from any outside chaos. Second job is to pick just one dumping ground. Utility, spare bedroom, end of a hallway, wherever you can spare and use that and only that for any boxes or furniture that doesn't yet have a home. Third thing is to work out the order in which you can afford to renovate and write it down. That way if the kitchen is awful but you knownits going to be improved in 2023 you can tell yourself that when it bothers you.

Keep in mind that the primary purpose of a house it to shelter you. I assume it does that adequately? You wouldn't be give a mortgage if it didn't. It has a sound enough roof doors that lock to keep strangers out and some form of heating? In which case it is a great house.

Don't give any thought to selling value right now. That's not what the house exists for.

It took three months before I had that,I've come home feeling in our new house.

I had that with my 1st house. I remember when we got the keys and looked around going “what have we done?!” Early Victorian, cold, VERY damp.

Ended up not wanting to move because I loved it. The great thing about your own house is you can do things to it to improve it. Moving house is a major life event, intensely stressful. Give yourself a break, it's ok to have these thoughts and concerns- it's normal. You're in the “worst” time for moving to a Victorian house if it's going to show any deficits it will be in winter.

You are here in the house now, you can't change that. Sometimes it helps to focus on what you can change. Cold and draughts are totally fixable. If “work” needs doing you can supplement the heating with some oil filled radiators to get the temperature up right now. Heated throws are pretty fab too. You can do this OP!!

Thanks everyone for your kind and positive comments. Everything we have to do just feels overwhelming in terms of work and also money, I didn’t realise til we moved in how much of a project this would be.

Good point on the mortgage val, it came in as the amount we offered for but I keep getting panicky that maybe the valuer wasn’t thorough. Survey picked up a good few things, broadly in line with age of the property, but now we’re in I just keep feeling so sick about the house and worried that we’ve messed up.

I know realistically I just need to give it some time but I’m really worried, and it sounds silly but I can imagine friends coming to see the house and inside being like errr why did they buy this place! My friends are all lovely so that’s me projecting there, I know.

One issue giving me intense worry today is the very old extension that houses the kitchen, for some reason I’ve taken against it and keep looking at it as if it’s very frightening. I know how crazy I sound, but I’m struggling to eat and sleep at the moment. My heart sinks when I’m in the kitchen, even though it was only redone a few years back (just in the same old extension housing).

However all your kind posts have given me hope- even though I feel hopeless right now. Thanks all.

@nirvanaviolet thank you, just found your thread - I’m definitely open to getting medication if needed, glad it helped you. I’m definitely comparing the house to Instagram accounts as well- and lovely new builds. No idea why I didn’t just buy a new build to be honest!!

I’ve not got anything to add here other than the fact that I’m in the same boat. Bought a few months ago and I’m utterly convinced the house of going to collapse around us. We’re first time buyers and I never thought for a second I’d feel like this. I have GAD and have been using some
CBT techniques to try and help but I think the only thing that will help is time. Solidarity OP; it’s good to know you’re not the only one.

As others have said, moving home is one of the most stressful things and it has likely just sent your anxiety into overdrive. Give it time and if the worst comes to the worst and you don't settle and want to move then someone will buy it in the same way that you have bought it.

@MistakenHoliday so sorry to hear you feel the same but thanks for the solidarity! It’s such a horrid feeling isn’t it? And for me such an anti climax after the excitement of buying a house. And I feel such a fraud whenever someone sends me a “happy new home” card…
I’ve done CBT before so am trying to challenge the thoughts etc but also have ocd tendencies (a heady mix) so when I challenge the thought sometimes my ocd sneaks in and says “this is a sign this is all wrong”. Such a mess x

Op i could have written your post 6 years ago, we moved into our house about a week before Christmas (first time buyers, period property).
From the off we found things wrong that didn't show up on the survey the worst one being a huge crack in the wall that had been covered by thick wallpaper, the list just went on.
My anxiety was through the roof, I felt like we'd made the biggest mistake ever and that the house would just fall down, we'd be homeless, bankrupt, never be able to sell it etc. Fucking awful time, I even hated the smell of the house.
Fast forward, we had work done on the house, (luckily crack in wall wasn't too serious) decorated, made it our own.
I absolutely love my little house now, feel so at home now. Yes it still has some issues but its an old house.
Point is, give it time.

@Karmagoat omg I’m so glad I’m not the only one. How long did it take for you to feel a bit better, do you remember? Thanks so much for your reply.

@newhomenewworries tbh a few months till I started to feel a bit better, my MH isn't great to start with so the move just made it spiral, maybe I would have settled sooner if it wasn't for that I dont know? I didn't feel 100% at home realistically till id say a year but we did have to do a lot of work that we didn't expect and it took time.
I think what made it worse was I was so excited for finally owning our own house and moving but it just ended up being a bit of a nightmare.
I do feel for you, it is an awful feeling, but remember moving is one of the most stressful things you can do.
It will get better and I hope you feel at home soon x

Hey OP, I’m in a similar position now - how are you feeling after some time in the house?

Hi Wishing, me too. How are you feeling now?

I am sitting in a supermarket cafe because I don’t want to go back to the house we bought and moved into yesterday. I sold my last house after living there for 16 years and I had to sell it after pressure from my ex husband. My new home is a Victorian terrace and seems small, grubby and a bit unloved. I’m sipping my coffee trying not to cry. It’s my new partners first home and he’s very excited about making it ours but all I can think about is my last house which I loved. I feel so depressed and guilty.

My situation is very similar Helios, except I've bought the house and moved alone. Gone from feeling happy about the move to feeling very overwhelmed and sad. Not sure I've done the right thing, worrying I'll be unable to cope financially. I actually feel anxious when it's time to go home from work.
I can sympathise entirely, hope things start feeling better for you soon.

Can I come and join for support. @newhomenewworries please update on how things are now. I'm currently on hold to the GP as I am so anxious about everything and don't think I can ever be happy again.

I've got a telephone appointment with my GP on Wednesday, off work to try and sort things out but feel so unbelievably stressed

@Karmagoat this helps. Thank you

You're on the property ladder. In this day and age house prices and demand are so bonkers even if your house was a pile of crap you'd sell it no problem.

Make it nice and homely. I'm in a new build flat and it's cold and awful but I think it's just because this year everyone is more careful with heating.

Get some fairy lights maybe? Candles, blankets - make it nice and cozy. Make some mulled wine to sip on while snuggling up on the sofa to watch a movie.

It will all be fine. ❤️