Please help, just bought house and MH spiralling

[newhomenewworries]

Hi all,

Recently bought a property but it’s not all I expected. It’s cold, draughty and doesn’t feel like home. I cannot stop fixating on the fact I feel we overpaid, and have a terrible fear that we’ll never be able to sell it as it’s so Awful .

I’ve not slept in 2 days and keep having anxiety attacks. Meanwhile my friends are asking how my first Xmas in the new place has been- I’m too ashamed to tell them I’ve made the worst mistake of my life. This mistake could end up bankrupting us and I’m terrified. Any advice? I’m so low. Thank you for reading.

Have you posted about the house before?

Do you have children?

Tell us about the house.

I remember feeling this way about my first property. It looked completely different when it was empty, and I thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. Fast forward a few years and I'd got new carpets, painted the walls, redone the garden and the kitchen, and it looked (and felt) like home.

@MerryChristmas21no children, I did post the other day but it’s worsened since then. Im a FTB and cannot stop my mind racing, it’s a period property and I loved it before we moved but now hate it.

@Anoooshka thanks, I just feel like it’s not mine and I find it scary, I feel I’ll be ashamed of it as it looks awful.

OP, if you've only been in a little while, it's bound to feel a bit strange. That's normal.

It takes time to know a new house, to track down the draughts and fix them. It takes time to work out which rooms get the sun and which need their radiators bleeding/adjusting.

My house, the sitting room always felt colder than the other rooms, but I found that the mortar at the base of the wall outside had gone soft and got damp (old house). Once I'd replaced it (cost about £15) it's a warm and happy room.

You've got all the time in the world to think about rugs and curtains, insulation and repairs. There's no rush and you'll soon make it your own.

Thank you @MintJulia this is good advice. I just can’t help my mind racing that we’ve made a huge mistake, I’m a FTB too so the responsibility of being a homeowner is weighing on me too. I thought I’d be happy but I just feel terrified.

It’s early days in your new home, an with everything else that’s going on the moment it’s bound to feel strange. Don’t think about reselling in the future, try to think of ways of making the house cosy and more like your home now. Take it day by day.

I have two friends who bought period properties that were always cold with sneaky draughts. Both properties looked great when they were furnished. Both properties were sold on quite easily. All the things that attracted you, will attract other buyers.

I felt like that too after buying. The terror fades.

I felt exactly like this, that we bought the wrong house and even convinced myself I was allergic to it.

You are possibly feeling a bit homesick for your old home and this house isn't home yet. It will be.

Thanks @Rhannion for some reason I’m obsessing over if we’ll ever be able to sell it. Maybe because I dislike it so much now…

And thanks @madisonbridges @Haggisfish3

@RiverSkater glad I’m not alone, how long til you felt settled?

We moved from a 1920s home full of character to 1990s home, open plan style and I felt the same as you, but once I got used to the difference it was fine. You will be fine honestly.

The other thing is don't be embarrassed to admit if you think a room is 'wrong'. We've all been there.

It took a bit of time, a good few weeks maybe, once we got the living room looking homely it felt more like home.

It's a big thing moving home, one of the most stressful things you can do!
Allow yourself the feelings as they are natural.

We moved into our current home a few years ago. It's a quirky property so I'm really not sure if we paid too much or not, especially as we moved from outside the area. The whole moving process was much more fraught than I'd experienced before so by the time we got here I was feeling negative and didn't settle for a while. We were discussing this today and saying how much we loved it now and how we'd made it our own. If you have bought your house to be your home I would stop stressing about the price you paid as that's done now. Concentrate on working on the draughts and other small jobs that need doing, personalise the rooms and you will start to feel at home. Good luck in your new home OP .

We are still here as well! 😊

Do not worry it happens all the time! When I bought my house, I had to take a huge mortgage, had no furniture and found it was infested with mice! And then, after a month, Brexit happened and it seemed all doom and gloom.
It is the best place I have ever lived in.... it will change, give it a little time!

Its a huge milestone its not unusual to feel very stressed and overwhelmed once the initial excitement wears off. It took me a long time to feel settled too, it takes a while I think to make a house a home. You can't help how you feel and not minimising that, but can you list what you love about it? Did you buy with a partner, have you spoken to them about it?

Two years ago we bought a period house that needed a shed load of renovations and I was in your shoes op

I was stressed. Panicking thinking I'd made a massive mistake

Two years on
Mostly Decorated
New windows
New boiler and other stuff done Ann's it's so much more comfortable warm and feels
Like home
Now I love it The peace and space are so worth the hard work
Hang in there

You will be able to sell as well all house sell eventually

Ah, op, if it’s your first home it’s because you’ve never had to do this before…and by that I mean, make it yours.

This is your home, you can change anything you wish. So paInt, wallpaper, furnish, floor, kitchen, bathroom, garden, whatever, now sure you probably don’t habe the money to do loads of stuff immediately.

But you make a list, if it’s draughty do you have good thermal blinds of curtains? A lick of paint doesn’t cost much, especially if you can to it yourself. Rugs can be cheap, warming and effective. Pictures for the walls.

Start planning and dreaming. It’s yours. It doesn’t need to stay as is.

I bought my second house this year - period property and very different from the first house I owned.
I feel like you OP, I overpaid and the house is shit.
We've been here almost a year and I still don't like it, however it does feel a bit more like home now.

It needs so much work that several rooms are just dumping grounds for furniture etc. we've found infestations of mice and fleas, found that we were lied to by the sellers about several things, uncovered costly diy mistakes that we will have to pay to have sorted out, the list goes on.

I honestly can't believe anyone would buy it from us. But we can't afford to move until we fully renovate it.

I do remember hating my first house for a couple of years though. Until it was all my own style it didn't feel like mine. So hopefully my feelings on the new house will change in time.

The thing is, it's only money, you can earn more. The bank don't let you overpay. Get on pinterest and start decorating ideas. Find some good trades in the new year and start planning. Follow some period Instagram accounts. So many people would absolutely love to own a house like that before having kids.
We've all got damp, draft, decorating issues, but ultimately you save up, get fixed, enjoy, in a circle!
In the first instance get chimney balloons, radiator reflectors, draught excluders and thick curtains. A Karcher window vac for condensation and make sure you open the windows daily to air. Consider a fan heater for the room you use the most in the morning to take the edge off and invest in some uniqlo thermals and good slippers. You'll be ok.

I think it's the enormity off the commitment that seem overwhelming .
Remember signing a 25 year mortgage felt like I'd signed my life away .

Wouldn't get too hung up on if you've over paid even if you have compare it with a few years rent there no return on that money .

Houses are long term they do go up and down in price

Relax enjoy your home .

Hi! If you look at my post history you'll see I posted something almost identical a couple of months ago about anxieties relating to home ownership. I had some really good support on that thread.

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this! If you look at my thread, there was loads of good advice from mumsnetters. I was feeling almost suicidal about the house worrying it was structurally unsound and that I'd made a terrible mistake. Two months on I am sat in my own master bedroom, watching TV, feeling totally relaxed and at peace. You will feel the same too, I promise.

Your house feels cold and uninviting because you haven't been there long. It will take you a long time to get it exactly how you want it and you're probably comparing it to new build show room houses and getting yourself down because of that.

Light some candles, get some blankets from Dunelm or similar. Write a list of all the things you would like to do to the house to make it feel nicer. Slowly and gradually you can tick things off that list. Even tiny things like replacing bulbs with warm white instead of harsh yellow can make the place feel a lot more homey.

I don't have much advice, but going to the doctors for my anxiety and getting on meds really helped. I was crying and having panic attacks every time I moved through the house thinking it was going to fall apart and worrying about the mistake I thought I'd made. So although I don't have much concrete advice, you won't feel like this forever and in time you will adore your home and all its quirks and character.

The first time buyer anxiety is so so real and it's such a big commitment. But you have done so well to get on the property market and in time you will love the home, and if not, you will definitely be able to sell, so please try not to worry about the house being unsellable. Some advice I had was that very few houses are truly unsellable and your one won't be one of them!

I don’t know why you think you won’t sell it - if you purchased it, someone else will!

Try to remember all the reasons you wanted it in the first place.

I always HATE houses when I first move into them and think I’ve made a terrible mistake and gradually learn to love them. I think it’s just that it doesn’t feel like home at first.