How Best to Support A Depressed Partner?

[Lw56992]

Hi everyone.

Just looking for some advice or kind words…

My partner has been feeling low for around three months and has not been himself. He’s been crying all the time and completely lacking motivation. I managed to get him talking about it and offered to make him a GP appointment - an offer that he jumped on straight away.

He went to his appointment a couple days ago and came away with a prescription for Sertraline. He’s now also self-referred for talking therapy which is really positive.

Now, I hate how selfish this sounds, but I’m finding it really hard. I know he doesn’t want me to worry and get upset so I’m maintaining a brave face in front of him and then absolutely breaking down when he’s not here.

I know that other people will have been in my situation before. The pain of knowing that the person you love most is feeling so low is unreal. I’m doing all that I can to be there for him and he’s appreciative of that but I just wish I could wave a magic wand and fix things for him.

I’m just finding it so hard to come to terms with the fact that he’s not ok currently. That, combined with the 22-week pregnancy hormones, are driving me mad!

He keeps saying he wants to get better for when the baby arrives in late April and that’s what I want too but we’re right at the beginning of this journey and I don’t have any idea of what the outcome will be.

Any wise words are very much welcome and appreciated! x

It's okay to feel low about it, I cried that I just wanted my husband back. That was 8 months ago he's been to talking therapy's which helped but he was finding lockdown and not seeing friends was making what was always an underlying issue unbearable.

If your partner is up to it can he tell you what it is he's finding so hard and look to address it. Sadly we can't change what triggers my husbands but we can make things much better by scheduling us time, being the hosts and social secretory etc.

Thank you - it’s so hard to come to terms with, isn’t it?

We have talked about what might be causing it and he says he can’t put his finger on it so I’m hoping the therapy could help there.

I’ve suggested (without putting words in his mouth) that maybe it’s partly due to the fact that our lives are about to undergo a big change with our first baby on the way. He agreed that he felt ‘overwhelmed’ at the thought of that (his word!) but not low.

I suppose sometimes there’s just no underlying cause… sigh!

You need support too.
Depression fallout
See counsellor for you
Tell your midwife
Make sure you have other support family friends practical and emotional

OP, please ask your midwife for help. You have a lot on your plate and it's unsurprising that you are finding it hard. Great that your DP is getting help. It's absolutely not selfish to feel the way you are feeling, when you are in need of support yourself. Anything you feel right now is okay, including angry!

Have you friends, family, other people around that you can speak to?

As someone who's struggled with depression most of her life, depression doesn't have to have a "reason". Sometimes it just happens.