IM 27 AND HAVE NO REAL FRIENDS:(

[jewel121]

Hi im new to this chat. I have depression. I have been sick since the age of 11. I a mum to a gorgeous 5yr old boy. I cry when im awake and cry before i go to sleep. I find very little things please me, except for when i catch my son and hes smiling and tells me he loves me... i cry to hear him say it. As i dont even love 'me'. I had many friends during schoold yrs etc but as the yrs have gone on ive very much drifted from so'called' friends. I am on 20mg Citalopram, ive been on others throughout the yrs. I dont have any family besides my mum. She also suffers from depression. I have attempted suicide on a few occassions and im afriad one day it might actually work. I am also with a mental team and i see a physcatric... i just want to be happy and have friends that understand me and someone i can understand also.

Hi im new to this chat. I have depression. I have been sick since the age of 11. I a mum to a gorgeous 5yr old boy. I cry when im awake and cry before i go to sleep. I find very little things please me, except for when i catch my son and hes smiling and tells me he loves me... i cry to hear him say it. As i dont even love 'me'. I had many friends during schoold yrs etc but as the yrs have gone on ive very much drifted from so'called' friends. I am on 20mg Citalopram, ive been on others throughout the yrs. I dont have any family besides my mum. She also suffers from depression. I have attempted suicide on a few occassions and im afriad one day it might actually work. I am also with a mental team and i see a physcatric... i just want to be happy and have friends that understand me and someone i can understand also.

That is a cry for help. Why do you think you are depressed? You are getting help, why isn't it working?

Is it tougher now your son is at school. My youngest has just started school and I am finding that very difficult. It is a difficult transistion for mum as well.

Start talking and see what comes out?

Come and join us:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/440839?stamp=071219234520

hi jewel. im sorry that your so sad.Im assuming your a single mum? Thats tough on its own.I have been there myself. I also think its harder to find friends the older you get.

But i know mn is a real godsend there is always someone on here to talk to.

So chat away xx

Hi Jewel. I can relate to some of your post though I'm not on ad's anymore.

I think I'm terminally unhappy and often think if it weren't for my DS - well, I'm not sure I'd bother sticking around.

I have changed my name to post this as feel like having a fresh start on mumsnet.

I'm 27 too. I feel like my entire life has been spent searching for someone to understand me - looking for a wordless bond or some romantic idea like that. I do have a DP, I love him very much and know he loves me though we're having a very difficult time at the moment.

But no one has ever 'got' me. Depression runs through my family - the women, anyway. I only have my mum too though she is stronger than I could ever be.

I think starting a thread is brave, it's like saying something aloud, takes courage I think

I think I was about your age ladies when I told a friend that her family was dsyfunctional and she laughed and told me that mine were mad as hatters. Never realised that my childhood was odd till my late 20's.

Not sure of either of your stories, but depression is rarely that just comes out of the blue it has a source.

Friends are always out there to be made, every day!

Do you ask the mums of any of ds's school friends over for coffee? Are you working and do you meet people at work? Try making friends without expecting them all to be soul mates if you see what I mean.

You really need to tell you Psych. Have you an emergency number you can ring 24/7?

I know what you mean about friends, I don't have any real ones either.

20mg citalopram is quite a low dose I think, but I am no expert!

I kno how you feel, I have no friends full stop. Often feel like ending it all. Hope you get some help soon.

wow! thanks all. Today im afraid wasnt great. I left my son 'home' alone. It got really bad.
My head still hurts. I cant stop this hurt and i dont like him being cooped up all alone and sad. On my arrival he had called the police. I dont think its quite sank in yet what i attempted to do. I never intended to harm him or put in in any danger, i just didnt want him seeing me cry for so long.
But today we spoke about depression. I want him to understand why mummy changes her moods so much. Im so shocked he still loves me... he loves me so much it hurts that i have no control over my actions and i hide behind school. To the lady that asked me about coffee mornings etc... ive tried all that,sometimes its just so sad its transparent. I go out of my way to make friends but it seems they only want to used me. I have enough problems without consuming users in my circle. Its sad cos i am indoors all the time and the only friends i have to speak to are 'online'. I find the dose it strong enough... makes me extremely tired however. Im just taking each day at a time. I have no choice. Im all my son has. And sadly hes all ive got!

wow! thanks all. Today im afraid wasnt great. I left my son 'home' alone. It got really bad.
My head still hurts. I cant stop this hurt and i dont like him being cooped up all alone and sad. On my arrival he had called the police. I dont think its quite sank in yet what i attempted to do. I never intended to harm him or put in in any danger, i just didnt want him seeing me cry for so long.
But today we spoke about depression. I want him to understand why mummy changes her moods so much. Im so shocked he still loves me... he loves me so much it hurts that i have no control over my actions and i hide behind school. To the lady that asked me about coffee mornings etc... ive tried all that,sometimes its just so sad its transparent. I go out of my way to make friends but it seems they only want to used me. I have enough problems without consuming users in my circle. Its sad cos i am indoors all the time and the only friends i have to speak to are 'online'. I find the dose it strong enough... makes me extremely tired however. Im just taking each day at a time. I have no choice. Im all my son has. And sadly hes all ive got!

You are very brave to post like this jewel. Of course your little boy loves you, you are the most important person in his life I'm sure. I'm not qualified to advise you on what sounds like very serious depression, but I do hope that things get better very soon for you and your little boy x

hi jewel, hope you r ok how did christmas go for you and ur little boy, ive just read through ur messages and i think your so brave to start a thread to as im now sat here thinking thats how i am (no real friends) like you i had lots growing up but over the years there not here . where are you from as you dont have a profile to see what area your from. hope your well xx

Hi Jewel,

Having your son is such a precious gift, they seem to know just how we feel and yet still love us anyway. I was crying the other day in onother room from my daughter whilst she watched tv, being quiet so she wouldnt hear me, and she just started to cry out of nowhere and my husband had to comfort her - it was like she could sense my pain. Then another time when I had been upset she came up by herself when she was only about 12mths old, and sat on my lap, looked into my eyes with her big blue eyes for a few moments and then leant forward and kissed me on the cheek and gave me a cuddle. I've never forgotten it. I've felt like running out the house too more than once but am learning now to see her as my best friend.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn