Burnt out

[bexxboo]

Rant alert.

So it's just me and my 4 year old daughter in a 2 bed flat.
Recently I've found myself getting so irritated with her. The constant talking, silly noises, constant mess, constant demands, no chance to sit and think or do anything for myself.
Whenever she comes and says mummy I think for fuck sake what now.
Is this normal? I feel so angry toward her all the time like I just want to be on my own for an hour without being jumped all over and poked and prodded and asked to do things.

Her father isn't very involved, and if I'm low he just says why are you so miserable all the time I would love to stay at home with her everyday.

We are looking to move into a house in the new year in a different location, when she is settled in her nursery I can look at working from home.

I do have hobbies such as I read a lot and practice yoga everyday, but even when I try to do either of these she will interrupt me so the attention is on her.

She is a really good girl but I just don't feel like an individual person, I have nothing or do nothing for myself.

Constantly exhausted and feel like I'm in zombie mode, I don't look forward to anything and I've become anti social.

I suffer from chronic depression and complex PTSD from an abusive relationship with her father.

I just don't have the energy to do anything with her and I feel so fucking guilty she deserve an energetic happy mum.

Advice would be kindly taken.

No advice I'm afraid but lots of sympathy. I also have a four year old and I'm completely spent. I've had severe depression most of this year. Taking meds, been seeing a counsellor. Nothing is helping. Daughter is very lively and social and often complains about being bored. I'm very fortunate that I have a supportive partner (her dad) and that our daughter has started school - though I'm fully expecting her school to stay closed in January thanks to Covid. I don't know how I will cope. Sending you a big hug ❤️

can you send her to a nursery a couple of mornings a week for a break?

Little children are really draining

I very much doubt you are a bad mum - sounds like when she’s back in nursery in the NY it will be better

In the meantime what can help is to divide the day so you give her 30/45 mins undivided attention, and then say - OK for the next hour and a quarter mummy is doing yoga, and you are playing quietly, and so on. It’s good for kids to learn that other people have needs, and if she feels she is getting lots of attention in some slots, it will be easier for her to learn this.

A learning clock or a timer might be helpful

Also a good walk every day so she gets tired

And careful use of telly time to buy you tidy up time in the evening

Bed time early enough you get evening time - if she’s not used to that move it forward 15 mins a week, and allow her to read / listen to tapes to fall asleep - but no getting up.

@Luredbyapomegranate

Little children are really draining

I very much doubt you are a bad mum - sounds like when she’s back in nursery in the NY it will be better

In the meantime what can help is to divide the day so you give her 30/45 mins undivided attention, and then say - OK for the next hour and a quarter mummy is doing yoga, and you are playing quietly, and so on. It’s good for kids to learn that other people have needs, and if she feels she is getting lots of attention in some slots, it will be easier for her to learn this.

A learning clock or a timer might be helpful

Also a good walk every day so she gets tired

And careful use of telly time to buy you tidy up time in the evening

Bed time early enough you get evening time - if she’s not used to that move it forward 15 mins a week, and allow her to read / listen to tapes to fall asleep - but no getting up.

They are indeed! I was not prepared for this. I think the main thing is the constant background noise of stupid noises 12 hours a day, it literally gives me a headache and makes me want to cry! She doesn't stop!!! I'm constantly stepping on barbies and toys and cleaning up after her. I just want to feel like my own person again.

@Notgettingbetter

No advice I'm afraid but lots of sympathy. I also have a four year old and I'm completely spent. I've had severe depression most of this year. Taking meds, been seeing a counsellor. Nothing is helping. Daughter is very lively and social and often complains about being bored. I'm very fortunate that I have a supportive partner (her dad) and that our daughter has started school - though I'm fully expecting her school to stay closed in January thanks to Covid. I don't know how I will cope. Sending you a big hug ❤️

Words cannot describe the frustration I feel. Her dad works away and when he is back he has her if he isn't too tired, but he kind of decides when he wants to look after her.

Like I mentioned to someone else on this post it's the constant stupid little noises for 12 hours a day I feel like I can't escape it. I have wrapped no presents because she won't go to bed unless I'm going to bed so I'm with her from the second I wake up to the second I go to bed.

Thoughts are constantly interrupted, always have a headache.

Glad you can empathise. I don't want to wish her life away but I just want her to be a little older so spending time with her isn't so draining on me.

I've been there too OP, and you have my sympathy. You need a break. Can you call in any favours? I often find it easier to have other kids over for playdates, as the kids focus on each other for a bit. Then you hopefully will also get a reciprocal invitation for your DD. I don't know if she's too young for that to work?

The other good thing about having people over is that you can't get as ratty. I find that helpful. We weren't meant to live alone with kids.

I know what you mean about not wanting to wish her childhood away. I feel so guilty for not enjoying my daughter. If I retreat upstairs for a while I feel utter dread when I hear her coming up the stairs... 😔

Getting out and spending time with other people too does help I find. MIL is visiting tomorrow. I find her really quite irritating but my daughter enjoys her company and it makes a change to the usual at least.

Thanks everyone.

I sat her in my bed with me this evening to try and watch a film, I just go so irritated to the point I was gritting my teeth. It's definitely me not her, she's just doing what kids do but I'm not responding well to it at the moment.

I put her to bed just now and just burst into tears with exhaustion. I've had 20 minutes to myself today while she was bathing and I spent that turbo wrapping presents as I haven't had a chance to even do that.

I just feel dizzy with the stress and exhaustion, why is being a parent so fucking hard???

All I ever want to do is sleep and I feel like I can't do it for one more day.