What is wrong with me?

[PumpkinPickle22]

I’m thinking of booking myself in for therapy next year. I’m not myself but I don’t know what it is that’s wrong.

⏺ very low self esteem - I’m over weight size 20 and hate leaving the house
⏺ I hate being around people, I avoid socialising as much as possible as I feel people are judging me + I have hardly any clothes so I avoid going out so people don’t think I have nothing to wear
⏺won’t eat out- I feel people will be thinking why is a fat person out eating i public
⏺ I hate my husband going out and get scared being left alone
⏺ when I’m out of the house I’m extremely anxious about things like my car breaking down, loosing my keys or purse - I’m checking constantly
⏺ terrified of crowds due to terrorist attacks so have had to turn down concert/theatre tickets - I walked out of a theatre mid performance as someone had a backpack with them in my row
⏺ I get anxious if the house is a mess or dirty - worried someone will see something out of place and think I’m fat therefore dirty and lazy
⏺ have constant fear of my daughter being abducted- I have been known to call the school after I’ve dropped her off - to make sure I did actually drop her off and she’s still there!
⏺panic when she’s at Brownies in case she walks

I’d really appreciate some opinions of what i might be going through- I feel like im loosing my mind.

I wasn’t always like this- before my daughter. Was out clubbing every weekend and would talk to anyone

In case she walks out and the leaders don’t notice* which she’d never do

Bad anxiety, I think. In which case therapy is an excellent plan.

I know it’s probably meaningless but I outwardly look like a skinny bitch and I really don’t judge other people eating at restaurants unless they’re loudly being twats or wearing something especially beautiful that I wish I had. People are allowed to eat regardless of their weight.

You are suffering from anxiety, which is directing itself to whatever you are thinking about at the time so, for example, you wouldn't be worrying about the state of your house while your daughter is at Brownie's because it's no longer a priority in your mind or vice verse.

Stress is nature's way of making sure your attention is focussed on the important stuff but your's is off kilter and - like an over sensitive smoke alarm - is shrieking at every possible or imagined drama.

Knowing that in itself can help but therapy will help to understand how and why you think the way you do and how you can handle it.

Generalised anxiety disorder, most likely.

Have you spoken to your GP? The first line treatment would be therapy of some kind, usually CBT. Some people try medication too.

It’s a common condition, you’re not alone with this at all. There’s no reason why things shouldn’t improve a lot with treatment, so look into it!

@PumpkinPickle22 I have the same thoughts and anxieties about my children. I've also done the very same thing re anxiety about terrorism. Sometimes it's unmanageable, sometimes I just push through. Have you looked up Pure O? It's a form of OCD that involves just intrusive thoughts rather than compulsions (or the compulsions are the thoughts). Definitely see your GP. I need to do the same

I did CBT for anxiety, and it was very helpful. I’ve also done person-centred psychotherapy for depression, and that was useful too. Good luck op.

You need treatment for your anxiety and OCD. You weight issues may also be due to comfort eating as endorphins released when eating are stress releavers, in the same way cigarettes and alcohol are.