They keep sending me round in circles. I was recently allocated my own mental health nurse. I asked him to sort a meds review for me. He's struggling to get hold of anyone and he's being discouraged from going into the office because of Covid. I just want someone who knows what they're doing to have a look at my meds and see if the dose should be increased, or if it's time to come off these and try something new. I went to Boots to collect my prescription just now and cried to the pharmacist, asking if I could get her opinion on the meds I'm taking. She was sympathetic but couldn't help. She encouraged me to find someone to talk to. I've been paying for my own counsellor.
The nurse said I can always go back to my GP about my meds - which is where I started months ago. I was happy with him and he actually listened to me. But he was on holiday when I asked if we could increase my dose a few months ago. Another GP spoke to me and said he didn't want to increase the dose. I asked to speak to a psychiatrist then. He said there weren't any. Eventually, after a lot of pushing, he sent me to a mental health team, one of them being a psychiatrist. And the team then told him to increase my dose as I had asked.
I suppose I will try to get hold of my usual GP. Of course it's Friday and Christmas time so fat chance. I'm so fed up of trying to do the right thing and getting nowhere. One of these days I think I might just walk out of the house and keep walking, into the middle of nowhere, until I can't walk any more. I hate being alive but I won't kill myself because I love my little girl too much to hurt her like that.