Bitterly regret telling employer about ADHD

[Metabigot]

I'm regretting telling my employer I had ADHD. My boss said she was researching my condition and now seems to be interpretation everything I do particularly interactions with others as due to my condition.

I've had no referral to occupational health or any medical information for her to go on. Nope, because she's read about it during her 'research' it must be true.

No one has even sat down and had a proper conversation with me about it and what I need etc.

Boss even went as far as suggesting I need a buddy to navigate social situations.

Is it wrong for me to feel deeply deeply offended and regret disclosing it at all?

And please don't tell me to go to HR. I work in HR. My boss is the Head of fucking HR.

What exactly did you say?

Did you say you had an official diagnosis...?

If not, can you walk it back?

You have to be incredibly careful what you say at work.

I said I had a diagnosis as I originally joined another team and my previous boss was. fine. Just asked for things like breaks in meetings and written rather than verbal instructions.

Then got moved to another team and the new boss is treating me like a specimen...

You would think HR would know better bit as there's no one to 'police' HR often you get treated worse.

I've cooked my goose now haven't I.. this job is temp to perm so when my contract ends in April they can easily not put me on perm....

I feel like I need to stay in the closet in future.

Employers claim to be disability aware but I'm finding its usually crap particularly for neurodiverse conditions

I'd request a meeting with her. Tell her that while you appreciate her having done research on your condition, as she well knows from her 'research', ADHD affects people in very different ways and no two people with the condition are alike.

Then tell her that the only accommodations you require are x and y and apart from that you are not struggling and do not require any assistance with social situations. She sounds clueless and rude, but if she's your boss you need to tread carefully.

Also I had to bring it up as my pre employment assessment was visible on the portal where my new team members could see it and so for confidentiality reasons I had to get it removed.

Employers claim to be disability aware but I'm finding its usually crap particularly for neurodiverse conditions

True. I no longer tell people that I have autism.

Ah, can you get your previous boss on side to say you don't need anything except those two things?

I ask for everything in writing to cover my arse, so you can use that excuse too. Obviously phrase it "as keeping a correct record".

All the employer caring stuff is crap.

I have ASD so I know a bit about the process. As someone with a diagnosed disability, you are entitled to “reasonable adjustments”. You may find your workplace have a contract for assessment - mine was with Access to work. If it is Access to work, then you trigger the referral, complete a form then they contact you about speaking to your boss.

Yes, I've self referred to Acess to work and had to put her as the management contact.

No fucking way is she getting access to any reports tho, which I believe I dont have to share with her? Just obviously I I need equipment or coaching she'll need to sign that off?

Well…my boss didn’t want to pay for my assessment so I never got my assessment. But my understanding is that the assessor will do the assessment then discuss the findings and what adjustments they recommend, your manager shouldn’t need to see your report should they?

@ThePontiacBandit

Well…my boss didn’t want to pay for my assessment so I never got my assessment. But my understanding is that the assessor will do the assessment then discuss the findings and what adjustments they recommend, your manager shouldn’t need to see your report should they?

Is the assessment not free? Its a government funded service!

Nope, it was an agreed fee (between my NHS trust and Access to work) of £1500! To come out my department’s budget. My manager wasn’t keen and queried if it was really needed so it didn’t happen

I can somewhat understand managers not knowing how to handle these conversations, neurodiversity has not been disclosed much by employees in the past and I’m finding that it’s only in the last year or so that it’s (rightly) becoming more of a topic of conversation.

But as Head of HR she should absolutely be dealing with this better (I’m head of HR too so feel like I can say that), it’s her job to educate the rest of the organisation on how to support people who disclose.

Nevertheless, her ‘educating’ herself sounds like she’s well intentioned, and we all handle things badly sometimes. I would suggest that you take the lead here and tell her what you need (an assessment, specific adjustments, etc) and perhaps suggest some practices that can be put in place by HR to support others in the organisation who need it. You shouldn’t have to do all the legwork but it’s the best way to get the support you need.

Thanks, its too late for this job but in my next job, which may be v soon if I don't get a perm contract, I don't think I'll disclose.

@StruggleStreet I assume I can disclose to a new employer at any time if I need employment protection eg if performance was affected and a probationary dismissal was likely. And wouldn't be penalised legally for not disclosing earlier?

Employment protection was the main reason I disclosed in the first place but I'm thinking next time just to keep it in my back pocket.

Things like breaks in meetings, step by step instructions etc seem to be heeded at first then forgotten and for the minor benefits conferred I can probably live without.

OP
This is a very complicated thing but I don't think you can keep it in your back pocket because their comeback is, they didn't know.

You know HR are there to protect the reputation of the organisation, it's literally humans as resources. They are not there to help staff.

I had my doctor ask me if I wanted a disability classification. This was about 20 years ago. She said "it might protect you in certain situations". Yes, that works for some. But I opted to keep quiet and it was the right choice. It very much depends where you work.

Also, re back pocket, one place I worked asked for full health disclosure that was kept sealed unless you tried to raise a health issue with them, so you couldn't say "I have xx health issues, now make adjustments" when you had not disclosed it before.

I was fine with that form because they were protecting themselves from being sued.

I would think carefully about this in future and for a new job, make sure you are up to date with the law.

You’re not obliged to disclose no. It’s a shame you don’t feel you can talk openly about it with employers but understand why you’re reluctant to given your experience.
If you do find that performance is impacted then I think you would be best placed to disclose early on and ask for support rather than waiting for things to escalate further. You will be well aware from your role that probation dismissals can happen quite quickly in some workplaces and if an employer did hypothetically choose to dismiss without knowing about the ADHD it may be difficult for you to retrospectively claim discrimination (it’s not discrimination if they don’t know about it). Hope that makes sense, bit sleep deprived with new baby so struggling to explain myself!