DH is taking our younger child to see family a four hour journey away.
I am staying home with elder DC, who is autistic and doesn't travel well.
I am an anxious person, always have been, and am now on the waiting list for autism assessment. I manage anxiety with meds, I am on antidepressants long term and have propranolol for when things get on top of me.
I used to be alone with DCs quite a bit, before lockdown and covid and everything, and I managed pretty well. Since covid I find being alone with the children very frightening and intimidating, not because of who they are, they're great kids, but just in terms of the responsibility involved. My brain goes straight to worse case scenario and my inability to cope.
Sometimes I find myself to scared to take my propranolol when I'm alone with the kids, but that's when I most anxious and it was prescribed for that reason.
I also feel so stupid for being so anxious about something people do every day, often without a choice.
I am trying to come up with a little strategy in my head, which I can turn to if things start to pile up and feel frightening. But what to put in it?