I've recently posted on here about trying to work on my mental health and I've managed to secure some free therapy sessions from a local charity.
I'm doing some journaling and there's a thing that happened in my childhood that is a fairly traumatic memory. I just wanted to write it down and get thoughts on it. My mum was in general well intentioned but this is one incident I can't rationalise.
When I was around 11 and my brother 6, my mum and dad had gone through a divorce about a year previously and we had overnights in my dad's house about 10 miles away. My dad turned up to collect us on a Friday night and my mum said he smelled of alcohol. He said he'd had 2 pints with his nephew in the pub prior to getting us (early 90s so less of a big deal then)
My mum said she wouldn't let my brother go as she didn't think he was fit to drive but I was old enough to decide for myself. I was 11. I was scared and didn't want to go alone. My dad was pleading with me and I was standing between them and had to choose. When I said I didn't want to go he cried.
I lost my mum 3 years ago and our relationship was difficult at times but I'd still describe us as close. I can't get my head around what she did and I'm really angry with her over that. She was very critical of me throughout my life but I can put that down to her thinking she was doing what was best for me but going about it in the wrong way. I can't justify this incident though.
Thanks if you've made it this far.