Grieving loss of Mum - feeling like a terrible Mum to my toddler

[Roxy1988]

I wasn't quite sure how to word the subject... I posted a couple of weeks ago about having had a panic attack and then being scared to be alone with my 16 month old incase it happened again. I have been very up and down since then having good days and bad days. I can now be alone with my daughter but I have been spending the last couple of weekends with family 2 hours from where I live with my dd and partner. I think I have needed to be with them to help with the grieving as I have no family or friends where I live. I just feel bad leaving my daughter 😢 I mean she is absolutely fine with her dad, my partner but I feel terrible leaving her behind for the weekend if that makes sense. I am planning on going again this weekend without her to visit the crematorium where we scattered my Mum's ashes last week but just feel so bad. I just feel the break away is helping me to grieve without having to be a mum for a couple of days. It is just giving me time alone which is actually helping as I have been able to be a better mum during he week having had a break. Am I a bad Mum 😢 I never usually leave my dd she usually comes with me everywhere. I don't really know what I am asking if I am honest

Also I have had to stop breastfeeding as have been taking Diazepam so I think my hormones are everywhere 😢

You’re not a bad mum. I’ve not read your previous thread, but it seems as though your mum passed fairly recently? I’m so sorry for your loss. Your DD is being cared for by her Dad, it’s helping you to be a better Mum during the week, and it’s giving you a bit of time to grieve your Mum. Sounds like an excellent idea to me. You matter too. 💐

@MuchTooTired thank you for your reply. My Mum passed away in July so fairly recent yes. At the time I just went onto auto pilot I think and focused all my energy on looking after my dd. And I actually thought to myself at the time how well I was coping but the grief seems to have hit now 😢

Grief is a funny thing isn’t it? If it’s hit now I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong in taking time to process it - if anything, it’s healthy for you and also your little one to have the time apart as it allows you to be a better mum during the week and gives you the space to grieve without worrying about your dd and her needs. Even without having had a very recent bereavement, we all need time away from our little children to recharge and just be.

I’m incredibly sorry for your loss, and send you very unmumsnetty hugs. You’re a great mum, and you really should not feel guilty about taking the time out.

Hi @Roxy1988, my mum died in July too. You sound like you are making good decisions. Like you I poured myself into my kids in the immediate aftermath and it's only now that my grief is making a bid to escape and I find I can't grieve around them. As a PP said, you matter too. And your daughter is with her father. Do what you need to do and don't feel guilty.