So low and so overwhelmed and I can't see a way out

[Ijustcanttakeanymore]

I'm not suicidal. I just want to get away from everything.

I'm so tired of my life. I don't feel capable of being an effective person anymore.

I work fulltime in a role far more senior than I'm paid for. I'm a middle aged single mother dealing with family and ex issues. The mental load is just too much.

I'm already in therapy but it's not going to solve things.

I need to be signed off work. I've no doubt the GP would do so but I've also no doubt I would lose my job and struggle to find another.

No one cares. No one asks how I am and means it. No one even considers how hard life is day to day or offers any help.

I just can't breath today. Everything is sending me into a panic. My fuse has never been so short. I don't see a way out.

Christmas is like the final straw - the family politics, the struggle to find and pay for presents, all of the extra organising and expectations.

I'm not going to call the Samaritans with DC in the house, for anyone who's going to suggest that.

I'm only posting to get it off my chest.

That sounds very hard, @Ijustcanttakeanymore. Smal suggestion: can you bin off Christmas apart from your kids? ie no visits, no getting pulled into dramas, presents just for kids.

How I would love to do that Sparkling.

I can't bin off everyone else apart from DC because part of the problem is someone else has already pulled out of our family Christmas, leaving me with the responsibility of hosting family I don't have a good relationship with (due to their treatment of me).

I am sorry you are having such a tough time. Being a single mother is so hard. So relentless and exhausting. How has your work situation evolved? Is there a way you can either a) get paid properly for the seniority of your role or b) do the actual role you are being paid to do? How old are your children? Can they help? Do you do sharing for yourself? I mean exercise or just sitting down for a moment and relaxing

No advice but hugs x I feel exactly the same; single parent too x it’s hard to try and juggle so much. Try and take some time to do something you enjoy (not easy I know) xx

@Ijustcanttakeanymore

How I would love to do that Sparkling.

I can't bin off everyone else apart from DC because part of the problem is someone else has already pulled out of our family Christmas, leaving me with the responsibility of hosting family I don't have a good relationship with (due to their treatment of me).

But this is exactly where you need to prioritise your own health and sanity to avoid going under. Why should it be your responsibility to host family who have treated you badly?

I just wanted to show support. I am exhausted, physically ill as well as depressed and I know I shouldn’t be working but I will lose my job and home and therefore DC contact if I stop. I have them 50:50.
I wish I had answers for you.

My heart goes out to you OP. I’d bin hosting the relatives for a start. Either say you’re unwell or develop mysterious coronavirus type symptoms the week before (oh dear, sorry we must cancel, it’s taking just ages for my PCR test to come back at Christmas, sorry we’re in isolation, nothing to be done! Either that, or T&T have called you to isolate after being in contact with omicron, oh dear I don’t have any idea who it could be!)

I would do it. Needs must and you need to put yourself first. Seriously, though, ditch hosting family (why should you?) and they will just have to put up with it.

Can you get a GP/therapist appointment just to talk and offload a bit?

Can you get even just a couple of weeks off work?

How are you doing, @Ijustcanttakeanymore?

Thank you for checking Sparkling. I spent the rest of the weekend trying to hold it together and not really succeeding. Still extremely tired and overwhelmed and constantly on the verge of tears (not like me at all). I don't think there will be any change in the short term but it was kind of you to think of me.

Can you take just a short time off work? Get the GP to sign you off for a week say? No idea what your employers are like, but I just did this - I think they preferred I did that than have a total breakdown later, which would be far more disruptive. Other than that… sounds like you need some support around you… it sounds like you are very very lonely. Any friends you can be really honest with about how tough you’re finding things?

Quite a lot of people, when overwhelmed like this, tend to become a bit rigid in their thinking and catastrophise. I do. It’s natural but it just makes things harder and seem even more impossible.

I obviously don’t know your employment situation, but would/could they really sack you if you got signed off sick for a week? Perhaps get a GP appointment booked in abs discuss it?