Am i depressed, or just a crap mother?

[TinselGrrrlWith2Boys]

I have a 7wk old and an 18mth old. My temper is rotten, i keep shouting at the 18mth old, often not for much at all. I shouted at the 7wk old today, which is just ridiculous.

They were both planned, and i love them both, but i don't feel like good mother to them. I've felt a bit low for a few days, and a bit teary and short tempered today.

I don't know if i'm depressed, or if i'm just finding excuses for not being a nice person.

are you very tired, done too much for xmas, having too little help?

all these things can make everything seem terrible.

can someone take them for you for even a couple of hours?

at least you are talkinh about it so that is brill...

tbh i am not surprised that you are feeling abit low with such young children.. have you a dp/dh or family nearby

HOMESTART can offer fantastic support for people with young children, to give you a break a few hours a week..

please dont feel ashamed to ask for help..

which area are you in

Tinsel,when I had my second I remember it was a total nightmare.DS was 2 and showing it .dd never slept as she was colicky,refluxy.The first few months I hated every minute of and looking back wish I had sought help.I remember screaming at dd "Will you ** shut up" one day and leaving her in her cot to scream while poor ds (who was toilet training) did a big puddle of wee on the floor and thinking "Oh my God someone get me away from here" and sobbing my heart out.

You are 7 weeks in and the sleep deprivation will be really hitting.You have a small age gap and its very very hard.

If you think you are getting depressed please see your Gp/HV

IT DOES GET BETTER HUGS XXXXX

DH works Mon-Fri, and is very hands-on Dad when he's home. PIL are always asking to have DS1 overnight (they have a few times) but they are v. busy in run up to Xmas because of the business they are in.

I feel like making a bubble round myself and hiding away

DS2 is a pretty 'good' baby, and DS1 is a bit boisterous at the moment, but he's not bad enough to deserve my behaviour.

I feel digusting for saying it, but sometimes i think i'd rather be in work than here.

thanks wrinklytum- that's pretty much me at the moment!

i think i might speak to GP. i don't want anyone to think i can't cope or i don't love them though.

seriously think about homestart.....
all volunteers have parenting experience,

they are fab > i am one of them!!!!!- it is worth thinkin about...

a volunteer could come to look after little ones while you have a bath or read, or even just chat with you, or play with children or just play with 18 month old to give you a break

what is homestart? i've heard of it, don't know what it is.

no one would ever think you dont love them, the best thing to do is get help, because if you dont it may become worse, please dont think that people will think that

homestart is a charity helping families who need a bit of support, this support can just be for a few months or a few years depending on what is needed,

examples are a mum who's toddler plays up whilst out doing weekly shop - volunteer would go shopping to distract toddler while mum shops...

a mother who has no time away from children, - volunteer goes in to play / read to children, while mum/dad has time alone....

a parent who finds it difficult to take kids to park- volunteer woukd assist them to the park.
and loads loads mor

anything you need really it is a fab charity...

type it into google, to get mor info for your area?

it is weel worth it....you must not feel bad about asking for help. that is what we are there for

Our support is free, confidential and non-judgemental. In fact, almost 25% of families refer themselves to Home-Start - which speaks for itself. We help to increase the confidence and independence of families by:

Visiting families in their own homes to offer support, friendship and practical assistance
Reassuring parents that their childcare problems are not unusual or unique
Encouraging parents' strengths and emotional well-being for the ultimate benefit of their children
Trying to get the fun back into family life
Our volunteers, who have parenting experience themselves, can offer:

Precious time for listening and talking
Help with the children
A break for parents
Practical help and reassurance
A chance to meet other parents in the same boat
Support to use local services and resources
Parents ask for Home-Start's help for all sorts of reasons:

They may feel isolated in their community, have no family nearby and be struggling to make friends
They may be finding it hard to cope because of their own or a child's physical or mental illness
They may have been hit hard by the death of a loved one
They may be really struggling the with emotional and physical demands of having twins or triplets - perhaps born into an already large family
Our quality is maintained across the country with all Home-Start schemes

0800 068 63 68- this is free number for you

i dont mean to bombard you with this i just want you to know there is help avaiable if you do want it,....

sorry, don't have constructive advice, but doesn't sound like you are making excuses for yourself. you sound like a nice person having a hard time.

think you need a hug. a real one. hope this does in the interim. ((()))

admitting that you would sometimes rather be in work than look after two children under two just sounds honest to me.

if your hv is any good could be worth seeing her anyway. even if not depressed.

it will get better. hope you feel better soon.

can't wait for DH to get home at 4pm. i feel really stressed- just took them for a walk, DS1 had a tantrum and i had to carry him back.

sometimes i feel like the mean one, and DH is the fun one- it's easier for him to be 'fun' when he's not listened to them all day. By tea time i just want a wash and something to eat!

i need a bath and a cuddle i think, and will book to speak to GP aswell.

and thanks chocolatespiders

DS1 just gone to sleep (thank god!) and DS2 dozing too. Will try and chill out for 5 mins.

hope you have had a relaxing evening... tomorrow is another day >> take it as it comes..

Having a much better day today- i decided before i got out of bed that i was going to see the positive in everything today, and no raised voices, just firm tones.

Been for a nice walk, so got out of house, and they both napped already. They're beaming at each other today, and it's lovely.

So, whatever happens today, i'm going to look for the positives...

brillant great to hear .....

hope you have continued to have a good day...
xx

and today also.

I agree with wrinkly tum. Mine are now 4 and 3 and only 18 months apart. I am lucky to have survived with my marriage and sanity. Neither are intact, I drink too much wine and am prozac!. Things so much better when you can get one of them in free nursery at age 3. I have one in full time school and from Jan the youngest is going to nursery FOR FREE for two full days a week. I am going to buy a gross of cream cakes, bottle of wine, OK magazine and get in the bath - hooray!. It DOES get better.

Grit your teeth, d opera singing for the kids (releases the pent up energy thsat screaming normally does and entertains them instead of scaring them), grab as much as you can for yourself, even 5 mins laid on bed. When you come through this you will be so proud of yourself. XX

hey TinselGrrrl, you're doing fine. A caring mom not a crap mom.

Mine are 6 and 18 months and god some days I can just walk out - but don't. My 6 year old has special needs and is in some ways more of a handful than the 18month who has started off on his terrible twos in a big way recently!!!

I think every mother feels like this at some stage. Of course we love our children, but it's really hard sometimes, espeically when you're exhausted. Dont' worry about shouting at them - they won't remember it, and it'll have far more effect on you than them! Cut yourself some slack, try to get some time to yourself (although I know that's easier said than done!). It's so hard with two little ones, bit of a thankless task in fact. Try to remember you're not alone, you're not a crap mother and that things can only get better!