December is the worst month of the year!

[Inkdrinker]

I struggle every single December but this year its extremely bad. I'm just going to put this out there now, this is NOT a beggy post, I talk about my finances only because it's a direct cause of my stress, I do not want or expect anything from anyone, I just want to vent and I hope that's OK.

Boxing day 2017, I tried to take my own life at 20. I ended up being hospitalised for the first time ever and my mental health went down the drain. Since then, I have come a long way since then but I still struggle and get suicidal, I have just learned to deal with it. Anyway, around this time of year, I get a lot of flashbacks to that time and it makes everything feel so hard. It makes me remember exactly how ill I was and how bad of a parent I was to try and do that to myself during Christmas.

Also, this year has been a financial mess. I'm constantly skint, can barely afford food, gas and electric etc but we manage just about. The schools are constantly asking for money for charity events, trips, Christmas jumper days and it's so difficult just before Christmas.

So far, I've bought my 3 kids one thing each. I feel like sobbing because I'm such a failure. I know how silly I sound because it's not about the present but it's making my depression and stress so much worse.

I just need to vent because I'm feeling awful right now. I want to never wake up, I tried taking out a loan for Christmas but my credit is too bad. I just feel like I want to die but I know I can't and I won't act on it but why do I have to feelnlike this.

It sounds really difficult even without the financial aspect, it’s understandable that this time of year is depressing and stressful given you attempted suicide at this time of year.

I’m sorry, I have no practical advice & no experience I just wanted to send virtual hugs & let you know you are not a failure. I’ve just read another thread about a little girl who’s parent can’t afford to buy her the next size knickers and her too small one are hurting her -things are tough for a lot of people, you are not alone.

I hope things get better for you soon, other posters may have suggestions if you post on another topic, sometimes the MH boards aren’t full of replies because people assume from the topic or thread title that they may not be able to help so don’t always read. Hang on in there, you have to have hope things will improve

It's just a rubbish time of year for me and having to plaster a smile on my face and be cheery for my kids is so hard. I feel so useless, this isn't what I want Christmas to be but until I'm well enough to go back into work, life has been really really tough.

I know I could be in a much worse position and I'm trying to think of all the good things that I do have. I have a roof over our heads, we have the bare necessities but worrying about money and Christmas 24/7 is awful.

I sometimes feel like I'll never be anything. I'll never achieve anything, that I'm forever going to be struggling and I'm tired. So tired.

School send out loads of begging letters at this time of year, lotto raffle tickets and pay £2 to wear your own jumper days. Just ignore them and don't even feel bad about it. You need that money for your own children. I look in charity shops for presents. Supermarkets like Lidl have bags of chocolate coins for a pound. Kids really want to know they are loved and they will enjoy spending time with you. Evening walk to see the lights in people's houses. Hot chocolate. Make a treasure hunt yourself around your house/ flat. Lots of activities can be free. I hope you can all have a really nice Christmas. It might even be worth telling the school if there is a nice staff member who you like they might be able to access some donated Christmas presents. 🎄

@Ukholidaysaregreat

School send out loads of begging letters at this time of year, lotto raffle tickets and pay £2 to wear your own jumper days. Just ignore them and don't even feel bad about it. You need that money for your own children. I look in charity shops for presents. Supermarkets like Lidl have bags of chocolate coins for a pound. Kids really want to know they are loved and they will enjoy spending time with you. Evening walk to see the lights in people's houses. Hot chocolate. Make a treasure hunt yourself around your house/ flat. Lots of activities can be free. I hope you can all have a really nice Christmas. It might even be worth telling the school if there is a nice staff member who you like they might be able to access some donated Christmas presents. 🎄

So much this year, I swear the schools think we're loaded 🙃 it's so hard to say no because my children will be left out and I'd feel like a shit mum. I feel its cruel to put so much pressure on parents at one of the hardest times of the year!

Thank you, I will take a look around. I've been scouring the market place for cheap presents. I guess all I can do is my best. The Dr's prescribed me diazepam to calm me down so I'm feeling less stressed. Just wish I was better

Is there a home-school liaison person at your school? If not, contact the SENCo. Either of them will be able to support you with the things such as Christmas jumpers, random 'bring £1' days etc. and will ensure your DCs don't miss out. They may also be able to refer you to a foodbank or put you in touch with other organisations that will be able to offer some help. The school will understand that financial pressures affect mental health and that can have an impact on parents' capacity to parent. They will want to support you.

If you are in London, you may qualify for SHINE which is a fuel poverty referral network. There are probably similar things in different regions.