Feeling lost in my own life

[Kouoks]

Anyone else ever feel like they don't know what they're doing with their life or where they are headed?

I'm in my mid 30s, I've been with my husband for 16 years, have a nice house, steady job with an ok salary. But I honestly sometimes wonder how I'm going to fill the next 50 odd years (if I live that long).

I have hobbies which I do regularly but I've lost my drive for them. I used to be so ambitious and it's all gone completely.

I don't have any desire for children but sometimes wonder if that's what I need to give my life some sort of purpose?

I just feel like I'm drifting at the moment and have done for quite a few years. I'm so bored, I think I'm bored of my own mind! I don't know whether I'm depressed. Sometimes I think I am, other times I feel fine. I never have any trouble functioning or anything.

Not sure what I'm trying to get from this post. It's so hard to explain. Does anyone understand?

hello,

Yes i feel this too, i'm a bit older than you with no kids and a general, constant feeling of being lost and aimless. It's a horrible feeling isn't it. Sometimes i just want to fill my life with being busy to stop me from thinking about it all too much, which is why i clean way too much.

I don't really have a solution but i do think a lot of us are suffering from post covid fatigue and i'm sure you're not alone in feeling this way. I've read a lot of posts here recently with people who feel the same. Sending thoughts, you sound like a nice person, i'd take you out for a hot chocolate and slice of cake. :)

Late 39's here and I think I've just been through the same, some life events precipitated it but also I agree the post COVID re-evaluation of everything and almost post traumatic recovery ledns itself very well to all these feelings.
I thought I was having an almost midlife crisis to be honest,vor early menopause but it's lasted months and months then turned me quite anxious. I thought on and off I was depressed with the types of thoughts I was having and what I was fed up with and eventually sought advice and got antidepressants from GP. 5cweeks later and my brain barely goes to that place on its own, I have twinges and my thoughts go back there but I don't feel that aimless l, pointless feeling anymore that I think basically was depression.
I do have a child (4yr) and actually I think the children = purpose thing is a load of bollocks. If children were the answer there would be little unhappiness, barely any suicide etc. They can be a protective factor yes but at the end of the day your a human being and function psychologically like one kids or not. In fact I think it's harder emotionally with children.

Thanks both, and sorry to hear you're feeling similar . I think you're both right - Covid has contributed, but to be honest, I was feeling like this long before Covid as well.

I've been putting off taking ADs, because I sometimes feel fine, and as I said, function absolutely fine, but maybe I need to reconsider.

Interesting point about children as well. I keep coming back to wondering whether I secretly do want a child, but I can't help thinking it's more to give me a focus rather than actually wanting one, which I'm not sure is the right reason.

Can you access therapy? These are important questions to ask and you might want to explore them in a safe space that is entirely your own. And I have kids and wouldn't recommend having them to achieve a sense of purpose. Have them if you want them and are up for the challenge but don't have them to fill a void in your own life. I hope you can take some time for yourself.

Thank you. Yes I actually had counselling a couple of years, and went round and round in circles with the therapist about having kids and ended up no clearer!

No I didn't mean therapy for whether you should have a child, that will be tricky if you are currently wrestling with more existential questions, I meant more about finding purpose and meaning in your life.

I had a life changing event five years ago which bought into sharp relief that life is precious. One of the things I did was to think backwards from being 90- what do I want my life to be then, how do I imagine spending my 80s, 70s, 60s, 50s, 40s. Doing that I found a realignment and satisfaction with my values and what I'm doing / working towards.

I think lifelong learning is the key - what are you / could you be learning?

Thank you - very good advice. I'm not academic, but I have enjoyed doing short creative courses in the past so this might be something to explore again.

Are you religious at all?
I am a Christian. Certainly gives life purpose and is never boring.

I dont know much about depression but doesnt sound like you are depressed to me? But maybe best to have a talk with a doctor.

No, not in any way religious, but I do envy those with faith sometimes.

I’m sorry I can’t offer any help or advice, but I genuinely feel like I could have written this myself. It’s exactly how I’ve been feeling for the last year or so and in a way helps that I’m not alone in feeling it.

I love my partner, we bought a lovely house and I have a stable job that I don’t mind and on an ok salary, but I feel like I don’t have a drive or purpose in my life. I have no career path or children, no friends, family live abroad and I’ve been working from home since COVID began, which just made me realise how much the office was my only social life.

It feels like I’m living in Groundhog Day and just floating through life. All I see on social media are people getting promotions, starting families or busy social lives.. and I’m not. I’ve got to a point where I just don’t know what direction to take next or how to go about finding out what I want.

I too had never had a desire for children, but since turning 30 I feel like I should start thinking about it because I’m getting older and maybe it will give me a purpose and help with the loneliness.

@user1473252470 so sorry to hear you feel the same. It is very lonely isn't it. I think that feeling of being left behind is very hard. I deleted my Facebook profile years ago because it made me feel depressed! The lack of purpose is awful. You're not alone in feeling this anyway!

I read (and continue to re read/listen to) “The power of now” by Ekhart Tolle. Very useful for gaining perspective and calm.

Would you consider volunteer work?
Short term fostering?
Look in the local paper volunteers needed for inspiration?