I don’t even know where to start with this.
On the surface I seem a successful person. I’m 24, I have a good and well paid job, a car, a boyfriend and some great friends. Live with my parents to save for a deposit.
I’ve always been quite an anxious person growing up and overthinking with quite low self esteem. I got through early secondary school always thinking everyone hated me and had a few different friendship groups until I eventually found a good group of friends that I still speak to now.
I went to university and despised my housemates in my second year. They were absolutely horrible and I was a bit of a pushover. Really enjoyed my final year with people I liked.
I struggled a lot at university mentally, very anxious and rung my parents a lot. Got through it but was a struggle!
Now I work full time and last summer went through a big break up last year after a 5 year relationship. We were quite impulsive, got a flat just after the first lockdown even though we were struggling, and ended it just 6 weeks later. I struggled for months and my family were there for me. Final straw I handed my notice in for a new job and they sacked me instantly after (wrongful dismissal).
So since then I got a new job, travelled alone for a month and really really got into a good place. Recently got into a new relationship with a STAR and couldn’t have been happier.
Now the problems continue….
I’ve always had a bit of a funny relationship with my family. Two older sisters who I’ve grown up feeling belittled by and ganged up on. I feel like I get on with them sometimes and they’re completely off with me the next. There’s a lot of underlying tension which turns into claiming I don’t care about them and drunk arguments usually fuelled by them. They’ve called me an attention seeker before.
I live with one and my parents who I know for a fact care about me. They step up when they need to eg picking me up from places, helping me move things to uni etc etc. I’m really grateful for them.
Here’s the latest problem - I’ve been with my DP about 4 months now. Family love him but when I asked if he can come to a family meal my parents said that them and my sister feel that I’m “self absorbed”, “too needy” and “obsessed”. They said they’ve all been talking about how I am messing up relationship single handedly and I am toxic (bearing in mind my last one was 5 years and ended amicably and maturely). I’m being too intense seeing him twice a week.
They said “why do you have to bring me and everyone here into your dramas”
I mentioned me being invited to his family meal and mum said “I bet his parents are fed up of you”. She tried to tell me how my DP and his parents feel constantly. Said DP probably doesn’t even want to come for Christmas and I made him (he is so excited about it!).
She then said i was immature because, in a mimicky voice, “ooooh I’m all over Facebook and we’re staying in a little log cabin oooh” (I posted one picture of the trip).
It then kicked off again. Sister said she was just trying to help and that she didn’t feel she could tell me, but I just got upset and went on attack. It turned into all my family telling me my life is a car crash, that my social media was too cringe (one picture) and that I don’t care about anyone but myself. Called me insane etc. Said I have a personality transplant around my boyfriend (but it’s probably just cos I’m not myself around my sister).
Now I’m starting to genuinely believe I have issues and this is all on me because of my personality. I know my parents care about me and now I feel they hate me. I just feel like it never ends. I’ve been a mess this weekend as I didn’t go to my mums birthday surprise on Saturday and since then I’ve felt intense guilt. I just am struggling to cope. I’m sat in bed just absolutely clueless. I haven’t spoke to them in days.
The last few weeks I’ve also feel I have ADHD or something too. Struggle to organise myself for work and concentrate and head is always all over the place.
Just need some help :(