Feel like I'm at breaking point

[FlamingLama]

I have a 2 month old baby who wakes every 2 hours to feed. By the times he's fed/winded and settled I get about 45 mins sleep between his feeds.

I also have a teenager daughter who refuses to go to school. I do the night feeds and dp is supposed to get her out to school but his efforts to actually do this are not effective. He leaves her to get on with it and she more often than not stays in bed not moving until its too late to go.
For the past few weeks I've been staying up after the night feeds to try and get her up. I'm beyond tired but she doesn't care. Today she told me it's my own fault for having kids.
I've just walked out because I was sobbing. Dp could blatantly hear me. Dd could hear me. Neither of them give a fuck. Dp sits in the lounge sipping tea and watching TV with the baby whilst I struggle with dd upstairs on no sleep. It feels like it's easier for him to turn the other way. Then he claims I'm being unreasonable when I lose my shit.
I'm so tired. I spent all weekend cleaning the shit hole house for everyone else to undo it all. I'm getting horrible headaches everyday from the stress/lack of sleep.

I just walked out. I don't think they've even noticed. I feel like they would only care when they run out of clean pants. Nothing I do.is ever good enough and I can't carry on this way. It feels like everything is on my shoulders. So much mental burden and no one will share the load. I don't want to go home. I have no where else to go barr checking into a premier Inn and sleeping for a month. I hate it all. The baby is beautiful and I love him so much but it feels impossible to enjoy him sometimes with everything else crushing me.

I don't want to kill myself but equally I don't want to be here any more when my sole purpose is to service everyone else's.
I feel unless I give people explicit instructions on what to do then I'm just expected to do it all. I'm fed up of asking for help from people who should care.

OP.

Assuming that your dd isn’t depressed or has mental health issues, I’d leave her in bed, let her miss school, and call her bluff on it.
I’d guess that she’s purposely doing it to rebel against you.

I know you’re her mum, and others will disagree, but when it’s affecting your own mental health so much, I’d try the approach of detaching from her.
I think she will quickly realise that it’s herself she’s hurting, not you.

Are you breast or bottle feeding? It doesn’t seem fair that you do all the night feeds and settling.

Agreed. Call her bluff. She can stay if she wants but there would be no TV, no Internet etc. A couple of days being bored out of her mind, she'll fuck off to school quick enough.

As for the partner, we'll, he isn't a partner really is he? I'd tell him to get out. Get out and don't come back until he's ready to pull his weight.

Focus on you and the baby. The other two can take care of themselves.

You need support though (not from DP). Is there anyone who can take care of the baby during the day for a few hours so you can sleep?

I really feel for you. x

I totally understand the feelings you’re describing and have been in similar scenarios myself. I don’t have an answer but please acknowledge everything you’re doing - if nobody else is appreciating it it can feel very isolating. But remember you’re dealing with very difficult circumstances and to even do the basics is an achievement.
What do the school say about your dd? I’m sorry about the lack of support you’re getting from your dp. Can you get support elsewhere or at least vent with anyone? Also, it may be worth counselling just to be able to process all the challenges you’re facing?

She's in a specialist school because she couldn't manage mainstream. It's a constant battle to get her to go, every day the same shit. We have removed everything from her and she just mopes in bed for days on end. We are on a waiting list fir camhs but I'm not holding my breath for any help, we've seen then before and they were useless.

Dp was really nice when I came home, ran me a bath and sent me to bed and the baby slept much better last night so I feel a little more human today. Just at a loss with my dd. Its so frustrating but she doesn't care. Dp managed to coax her in for an hour of school today so I guess it's a start.
Baby slept really well last night

I’m so pleased you had a better day. It’s those small things of feeling cared for and appreciated that really help (like the bath). It’s can otherwise feel like a lonely, thankless slog. You’re doing an incredible job under very hard circumstances. I totally understand about camhs- I hope this time they can help you. Let’s hope the little one decides to sleep tonight