How do you heal when you have no time left for yourself?

[Upsider]

I’ve had issues with my mental health for years, but it intensified after the birth of my first child. I had crippling PND which took a good two years to finally see some light from. I didn’t get the same after my second child but I’ve never felt lifted.
Since then I feel like I function in autopilot. I love my DC more than anything in the world but feel like I fail them. All I want is some quiet, time to myself and some escapism. I do have thoughts about dying, but they aren’t active suicidal thoughts as I know I wouldn’t ever want to leave my DC. The thoughts do bother me though, I seem to torture myself thinking how the DC would be without me and it breaks my heart every time.
At work I can function ok, I work long hours and do enjoy my job but it also carries its own anxieties.

I know I can feel better if I ate better, sleep better, take some time out to read/exercise/self care but I have no time for myself ever. I don’t have a support network to look after my DC so I never get any time. By the time they’re in bed I am exhausted. SSRIs made me gain lots of weight so I am reluctant to take them again. My body image is a big source of my low mood, but the lower I get the more I binge eat.

Where do I start? I want my life to be happy and be the best mum for my children

Parenting, working long hours, no time to yourself, not looking after your physically. This is the recipe for burn out or break down. Are you sure you're depressed? It sounds like you might just be exhausted. Is there any way you could have a day or two to yourself and just get some R & R?

@Kippersfortea I hadn’t thought of it like that. I haven’t had a ‘day off’ in 6 years.

I think we can go really quickly to thinking it's a mental health issue especially if we've had one before or it's on our radar for other reasons. When actually we aren't looking after our basic needs. Our need for nutrition, rest, exercise, fun, etc. A lot of depression has social or lifestyle causes anyway, and we are surprised when antidepressants and/or counselling don't work. Why would they if the problem is thy we are living a totally unbalanced life. It's not always brain chemistry, of course sometimes it is! But other times it is life imbalance not chemical imbalance.